Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Who's Who in Blogs

I've never found myself wishing that Rob Anders had a blog before - but he'd make a perfect Hannibal Lecter after his handlers strap him to a dolly with that plastic shield over his mouth. Oh well, still lots to choose from. Canada's Debate asks which bloggers remind of us of which fictional characters. I know, I know, you think I'm just exactly like Superman... I get it all the time, thanks - really. Never one to turn down a procrastinating exercise in fun - a two-fer if one ever existed - I was all over it like an iSkin over a Mac keyboard.


Liblogs
Technologically inter-linked into one hive mentality; "ASSIMILATE OR DIE!!!", defeated after they fall asleep while completing their takeover of Earth - this one's a no-brainer:







Borg Cube all the way.


Blogging Tories
Stay sharp! It's the Borg Sphere!

The exact same "Assimilate or be destroyed!" herd mentality, but bigger, with more advanced technology, and more menacing.















Blogging Dippers
They think everyone else is unbearably ugly, can't bear to associate with anyone unlike themselves, too ideological and pre-occupied with fighting amongst themselves over who is most ideological - they sound tantalizingly like the Ferengi, but for their fear and loathing of wealth.... so I'm gonna have to run with the always-useful Red Shirts - Lieutenants Adams, Beaton, Colby, Darnell, Erie, Fallon, Golding, Hooper, Ilton, Jones, Kurt, Latimer, Morton, Norris, O'Hara, Pitt, Quinn, Radstake, Smith, Tanner, Unsworth, Xavier, Yan, and Zetter. Thanks guys, for always taking one for the team!

Calgary Grit is easy - private, not prone to chitchat, work focused, absorbed in study, collects opinions in roundtable discussion. Prefers diplomacy to fighting, and shields to attacking. A good bet to be an Ambassador in the future. Who is he? Pick a card - any card. Even the Captain Picard.

Careful, he's linked to the Borg! But ultimately, he's better than them.


ChuckerCanuck - a highly trained and skilled engineer, full of hearty bluster, good cheer, and humour, and his travels carry him far. Loyal at all costs, he's there with all the defence and offence any leader could ever hope for. As long as Chucker has a pack of gum and two sticks to rub together, his Supreme Leader knows someone's got his back. Oh, and he's played by a Canadian.


Olaf Raskolnikov

This one was hard, but I think I finally nailed it. He's a two-parter, a yin and yang, a perfect balance of Lisa's devotion to study and education and Bart's temper and schoolyard fun. My pet monkey suggested "Bisa", but I'm going with "Lart".





Paul Wells
? Just Lisa - with the money for an iPod.





Sheena
Sexy sophisticated globe-trotting Canadian flirt with a taste for the finer things in life (including men) and a clever riposte always lurking on her tongue - no one should be surprised when I nominate her to be Miss Moneypenny. ROWR!

Joanne of Joanne And The World:
Thinks she's an esteemed politician but has no comprehension of military matters, people avoid her, loud and over-bearing but genuinely cares. Combined with increasing desperation to remind everyone how young she is, Joanne is clearly... Lwaxanna Troi

And Liberal Catnip is Deanna Troi.


Personally Penny - dead sexy, fun and sassy, but get the fuck out of the way if you want to cross swords with her. Amazing smile, studies hard on issues, loves the environment, likes to learn about the law - this one is almost too easy to bother with.... she's the Julia Roberts incarnation of Erin Brockovich.



Big City Lib
Shrieky, from Care Bears.






Scott Tribe is Martha, as portrayed by Elizabeth Taylor, in Albee's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Shoshana B/rainy Smurf









The Frog Lady always reminds me of Toad from X-Men - but nice.

Controversy of the Week Special!
Robert McClelland is Regan MacNeil. Playing with ideas they shouldn't have touched, now they're doubled-over in painfully contorted positions, heads on backwards, fitfully raging and frothing with curses - and spraying vomit over any who dare challenge. Oh, and they're not much for God's Chosen People, either. Where are you, Father Karras, when we need you?

Jason Cherniak... almost too easy... but alright - he is of course the Black Knight.

ARTHUR:
Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT:
Yes, I have.



Kate MacMillan
Her interest in mechanics and attempts to convince people she is human qualify her to play Lt. Cmdr. Data -- but he always tells the truth, and makes a constant effort to be diplomatic and kind. So his evil twin Lore makes a perfect substitute - good with numbers, and gives the Borg a false sense of individuality with which to manipulate them. Be warned - Lore is not known to have Data's off-switch.

Fond of wearing leather, can't get enough of the spotlight, despises authority, environmentally conscious and vocal, uses a sledgehammer when a love-tap would do - you can never be sure who's side he's playing on, though you always know it's in his own best interest... Michelle Pfeiffer owns Catwoman, but if Halle Berry can strap on the whip, Garth Turner can suit up for a bit.


Jacobin
Runs around in circles desperately linking to mainframes anywhere he can find them. And seriously, can ANYone understand what the fuck he's talking about? Ever?



Red Butler

Like the robot shark they used to make JAWS, he can only turn left.

Just kidding man, you know I love ya, big red ;)

80's Girls Gone Wild
JoanneTB - sword at the ready, this is a blogger who won't back down, ever - She-Ra for sure. Candace loves a good laugh, enjoys children, and likes to listen and share, she's open-minded, and most of all, she always looks on the bright side: she reminds me of Rainbow Brite, and Paladiea seems at home in the forest, and she's something of a fruit, really, so Strawberry Shortcake she is. They probably deserve better than this picture, but seriously, does it get any better than this picture?

Steve Janke - none other than Mycroft Holmes: Sherlock Holme's older, smarter, lazier brother. He knows everything, or can find it out, but, like any true blogger, he doesn't like to leave the house very often. Prefers to focus on government work.

Pierre Bourque
He likes fast cars, hanging out in fancy restaurants to spy on conversations, and most of all, knows the power of paid endorsements and product placement. Hm, ring any bells?


Springer: Pick a Charlton Heston character. Any Charlton Heston character.


Thou gorbellied crook-pated canker-blossom! Qualling milk-livered miscreant! Rank rutting reeky rogue! Lumpish impertinent fawning logger-headed fat-kidneyed doghearted hell-hated pox-marked dankish F-word (that's "fustilarian", by the way) toad! Snippy enough to be gay, yet married with children, Fan of the Great Insult Red Tory is Wm. Shakespeare - not a fictional character, granted... or was he???


Formerly the most powerful lawyer in Gotham City, he met a horrible fate at the hands of a conniving and backstabbing bigwig looking to get even. Now a twisted and bitter arch-nemesis of decency, you never know when he'll strike next, or who he'll move against. Heads you live - tails you die - it's all just a whim to him, a casual toss of the coin. Warren Kinsella is Harvey "Two-Face" Dent.



Stephen Taylor guest stars in Stranger than Fiction. "One day, Harold suddenly started hearing a powerful voice that no one else could, which started to tell him what to do." Just kiddin' ya, ST. ;)


Who said democracy would be easy? Pogge reminds me of the Rebel Alliance - they're taking the Death Star down, baby, even if they have to do it twice!




Richard McAdam: lives on the ocean, was once a Liberal but bargained to sell his soul to become a Tory - and got his wish. Now, he's celebrating true love. He's The Little Mermaid!


Joe Green - does he even exist? It's a never ending debate - he's Mr. Snuffleupagus.


Ready to lead a full rebellion against the central Empire to create a free and democratic Republic, fair to all outlying regions, Joe Calgary's got heavy organization skills and the financial backing to put them to use. No time for bullshit, and knows his way around a gun, Joe is Princess Leia.

James Bow: crazy little thing called love, for trains. And rails. And train stations. Childlike, but not childish, earnest and with an imagination beyond compare, he enjoys science-fiction and fantasy. He's Canadian and loves to entertain kids with stories - tell me he doesn't just scream Simon from The Secret Railroad.

Because he does.


Greg Staples - Conservative - but, not evil. Always fair and honest with you, reasonable, prefers debate to argument. Capable and efficient, always knows his stuff, always prepared, he's a devoted family man, and so freaking nice. Michael Bluth.

Labels: ,

68 Comments:

Blogger Jason Bo Green said...

Of course, we can't forget that Wesley is secretly Dan Arnold's lovechild, and that Dan and Beverly have never revealed this to their son. So it was a pretty natural fit, I thought.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 5:47:00 AM  
Blogger Chuckercanuck said...

While the whole thing is quite hilarious....

Jason Cherniak and the Black Knight is perhaps the funniest thing I've ever read.

Superb job, my friend!

Thursday, March 08, 2007 7:01:00 AM  
Blogger Sheena said...

LOL, love it.
Going to post it over in another part of the innerdnets I like.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 7:17:00 AM  
Anonymous saskboy said...

I'm sure I'd make a good Star Trek character, but it'd probably be Wesley.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 7:35:00 AM  
Blogger Red Butler said...

Oh yah well you remind me of the EmCee in Cabaret, just depends which way the political winds are blowing, ha ha(j/k). Funny guy. turn off the fucking Star trek already you're turning into Napoleon Dynamite,when are you going to get a uniform?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 7:42:00 AM  
Blogger James Bow said...

Heh. Yup, most of these work; I can see them.

And, yes, I watched the Secret Railroad religiously as a kid.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 7:59:00 AM  
Anonymous excorcist theme song said...

The power of Christ compels you, McLelland. Hey wasn't Christ a Joo? All part of the Joooos conspiracy against poor Robert.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 8:10:00 AM  
Blogger Red Butler said...

Okay, I did one for you Jay

www.redbutler.blogspot.com enjoy

Thursday, March 08, 2007 8:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

McClelland is more like The Boys From Brazil.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 8:57:00 AM  
Blogger Josh Gould said...

So if Greg Staples is Michael Bluth... who gets to be GOB?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 9:12:00 AM  
Blogger bigcitylib said...

Very cool! Now I have to watch Carebears.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 9:37:00 AM  
Blogger Jason Bo Green said...

MC from Cabaret? I don't get it, is this about the you time you found me wearing my mother's clothes???

Thursday, March 08, 2007 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger Jason Bo Green said...

Boys From Brazil...? Robert McClelland was in a gay porn movie? Wow, fucked up.

Sask, there's nothing wrong with Wesley - he does get to serve on the USS Titan, after all -- and marry Ashley Judd. All in all, not bad.

GOB, hmmm... who is hot enough to be GOB?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 12:25:00 PM  
Blogger RGM said...

Dude, I'm not a Tory! No Tory here!
I am celebrating the true love thing, though, and that's awesome.

And Jacobin is no R2-D2 that's for damn sure.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 12:33:00 PM  
Blogger Olaf said...

Jason,

Very well done my friend, I knew it would turn out something like this... I have to agree with Chucker that the Black Knight is almost too perfect - however, my favourite was Kate's: "Her interest in mechanics and attempts to convince people she is human qualify her to play Lt. Cmdr. Data" So true...

Thursday, March 08, 2007 12:37:00 PM  
Blogger Jacobin said...

rgm

R2D2 works, but I'm more of a Han Solo, no?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 1:47:00 PM  
Blogger Jacobin said...

Mr. Snuffleupagus.

fucking hilarious.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 1:49:00 PM  
Blogger Michelle Oliel said...

HILARIOUS!!!!!!

Who would I be?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 1:55:00 PM  
Blogger JimBobby said...

Whooee! That's a dang good list you made up, BoFeller. It's a sure enough Who's Who in the Canajun Boogeysphere an' yer illustration pitchers is the icin' on the cake.

JimBobby

Thursday, March 08, 2007 1:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Never seen Michelle Before said...

Yikes. Based on the avatar, Michelle would easily be any and every alien female Captain Kirk has drooled over. Wowsa!

Thursday, March 08, 2007 2:08:00 PM  
Blogger IslandLiberal said...

Blogging Tories
Stay sharp! It's the Borg Sphere!

The exact same "Assimilate or be destroyed!" herd mentality, but bigger, with more advanced technology, and more menacing.


Aren't the Cubes bigger than the Spheres? The latter launched from the former in "First Contact."

Thursday, March 08, 2007 2:11:00 PM  
Blogger Zorpheous said...

JimBobby would a Hillbilly version of Clark Kent,... or is that a Hillbilly version of Superman and his secret identity is Clark Kent.

Glad I didn't make the list, hate to see what I would have have pulled, Jar-Jar Binks?

Great Articles, Robert is kind of spot on, and Jason, LOL!

Thursday, March 08, 2007 2:15:00 PM  
Anonymous ROTFLMAO said...

"Oh, and they're not much for God's Chosen People, either."

HAHAHAHA!

Thursday, March 08, 2007 2:31:00 PM  
Blogger Cerberus said...

Nicely done JBG.

It seems you missed yourself there, though.

Ted

Thursday, March 08, 2007 3:08:00 PM  
Anonymous empty said...

(sshhh! i'm under cover) the big O has already cut my ds9 time in half.now its trettind mit xtinktion.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 3:16:00 PM  
Anonymous empty said...

Jason, ever thought of playing hot little natashsa (kinski/catpeople)?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 3:26:00 PM  
Blogger Jason Bo Green said...

Whoa, the spheres are smaller??? I have so much to learn... I'm only up to Season Five so far, but hope to make Six by end of the month.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 3:55:00 PM  
Blogger Jason Bo Green said...

Hey, does Empty know me in real life....?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 3:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Quoting TDH Strategies said...

"Navdeep's fundametalist roots are well known by everyone in the apne community."

Thursday, March 08, 2007 4:56:00 PM  
Anonymous clueless said...

what's the apne community?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 5:01:00 PM  
Anonymous the apne community said...

It's like you don't even know I exist!

Thursday, March 08, 2007 5:13:00 PM  
Anonymous empty said...

J-Bo,

I mean, every man is a 'heels and stockings' man.

Whether objectively or subjectively.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 5:25:00 PM  
Blogger Psychols said...

Now that was a blog post. Nice job.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 5:42:00 PM  
Blogger Paladiea said...

Hee! Heheehehe.

Clever, but what do you mean by 'fruit'?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 6:00:00 PM  
Anonymous TJR said...

BLACK KNIGHT!!!!

Oh man did you nail Cherniak or what!!

HAHAHAHAHA! I'll never watch that scene the same way again!! Fucking brilliant man!!

Thursday, March 08, 2007 6:17:00 PM  
Anonymous m/t said...

JBG,

BTW , not to worry ...

The BIG spheres are scheduled to be deployed/introduced with the new budget...
Then the BIGGER spheres, if necessary...

BTW,BTW,

Isn't Dion the perfect 'Gilligan',
to Harper?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 6:37:00 PM  
Blogger Joanne (True Blue) said...

She-Ra! Hey, I can live with that..

Great post, JBG. Very creative. lol!

Thursday, March 08, 2007 6:41:00 PM  
Blogger Penny said...

LOL!! You sure nailed Red Tory, Jason!! Damn, I wish I could do the insults the way he does - and you clearly could if you felt like it.

As for moi, don'tcha know, I'm a real pussycat? Those big teeth don't mean a thing!!

Jason's such a nice guy, I'm thinking Peanuts... as in Charles Schulz?

Thursday, March 08, 2007 6:42:00 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

JBG,

This is brilliant. I sense a weekly or monthly recurring series! There are sooo many more to do.

Canadian Cynic, Andrew Anderson, Ian Scott, The Galloping Beaver crew (Whorf for sure!)

And I can only imagine who I would be...

Thursday, March 08, 2007 6:43:00 PM  
Blogger Jason Bo Green said...

Penny, I can't take too much credit - I just googled up this handy kit and did some column matching. ;)

Mike, you're an obvious contender to be Ghost Rider - in Hawaii.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 6:50:00 PM  
Blogger Sheena said...

ok, i'm starting my own theme on the topic.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 6:54:00 PM  
Blogger Red Tory said...

LOL. Most excellent, thou rascally swag-bellied pottle-deep varlet!

Thursday, March 08, 2007 7:13:00 PM  
Anonymous m/t said...

Re:

"..Peanuts...as in Charles Shulz?"

Natasha could be the Red Baron, during daylight hours...

No major wardrobe change required.

Just add goggles, and a scarf, and wind-proof gloss.

Thursday, March 08, 2007 7:24:00 PM  
Blogger Alan said...

This is the first time I've truly regretted shutting down my blog. Alas, another wistful "what if...".

Thursday, March 08, 2007 7:26:00 PM  
Blogger Mj√∂lnir said...

Dang that was GOOD, nice job JBG!

The Black Knight for Cherny - no brainer but still the funniest and best fit.

I was a little miffed I didn't make it, but I do only blog about twice a month, and anyway mines well, more or less *ahem* self explanatory..(see pic)

And I agree 100% never seen Michelle before - she is damn HOT! - I can even overlook the fact that she's a lib!

Skal!

Thursday, March 08, 2007 9:13:00 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

What a brilliant post! I have to concur with pretty much everyone about Jason being the Black Knight! THAT IS SOOOOOOO FUNNY!

At the risk of seriously dating myself, I completely missed She-Ra and Rainbow Brite, but as I detest pastels, I'm quite happy with your choice, as I always thought Strawberry was just too... I dunno. I'm definitely feeling my age, as I thought I SHOULD HAVE BEEN Ms MoneyPenny, but I can handle being runner-up (I know I was, and for God's sake don't crush me if I wasn't) 2nd runnerup. This whole motherhood thing has really messed with my self-image, let me tell you!

Absolutely brilliant, overall, and I'm not even a Trekky but I still got most of it (because I know a lot of Trekkies, I guess?).

Thursday, March 08, 2007 11:46:00 PM  
Blogger Sheena said...

We can cage match over the Moneypenny title, Candace. Maybe charge pay-per-view and then take a nice vacation somewhere.

Friday, March 09, 2007 6:23:00 AM  
Blogger tija said...

LOL, when the shoe fits!

ARTHUR:
Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

BLACK KNIGHT:
'Tis but a scratch.

ARTHUR:
A scratch? Your arm's off!

BLACK KNIGHT:
No, it isn't.

ARTHUR:
Well, what's that, then?

BLACK KNIGHT:
I've had worse.

ARTHUR:
You liar!

BLACK KNIGHT:
Come on, you pansy!

Friday, March 09, 2007 6:28:00 AM  
Blogger Joanne said...

Jason, you are perfect photo copy of Commodus from Gladiator. Need I say more?

Friday, March 09, 2007 7:00:00 AM  
Blogger Mark Dowling said...

Adding my congrats for the Black Knight thing - especially when Cherniak was trying to justify his defence of the Liberals on the minimum wage.

Paul Wells as Lisa is excellent too, as is Kinsella as Two-Face.

Friday, March 09, 2007 7:21:00 AM  
Blogger Jason Bo Green said...

Joanne, you flatter me! I'm pretty much a double for Jude Law, really, but I'd happily look like Joaquim Phoenix, too!

Friday, March 09, 2007 8:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Warren K said...

That is really funny. Well done.

And, now, I must kill you, you bastard.

Friday, March 09, 2007 12:38:00 PM  
Anonymous m/t said...

Jason,

Can't wait to see who you crown, with the coveted mantle of 'Professor Moriarty'.
(Ok - Harper/The Capt. is not eligible - he doesn't have a blog.)

Friday, March 09, 2007 4:04:00 PM  
Blogger Joe Calgary said...

Princess Leia?? I have better hair. Brillant post Jason:)

Friday, March 09, 2007 5:09:00 PM  
Blogger RGM said...

Jaco,
If you're any Star Wars character at all, you'd be an Expanded Universe character who knew all along that Palpatine was orchestrating the entire Clone Wars in order to assume singular control of the galaxy...but nobody believed you until it was too late.

Saturday, March 10, 2007 12:14:00 PM  
Blogger Christopher Bryden said...

Excellent.

Except, everyone knows that Shoshana B is actually Edward Scissorhands.

Monday, March 12, 2007 8:16:00 AM  
Blogger Paul MacPhail said...

Excellent! 'specially "Black Knight".

Wednesday, March 14, 2007 11:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Purple Library Guy said...

Whoa! We get to be the Rebel Alliance?
Sweet!

Monday, March 19, 2007 1:33:00 PM  
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This is great info to know.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 9:27:00 PM  
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