Thursday, September 20, 2007

Question a Senator, get tasered!

The freedom to speak inoffensively is a freedom not worth having.

He's an agitator and kind of a dick, as you can see in the full video below, but that's the price of freedom and free speech. I had no idea police used tasers against unarmed citizens until this year, and this truly sickens me. Oh, and John Kerry is a real class act to drone on and on and on while a student is tasered right before him. No wonder he conceded... in a way, he answers the guy's question.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Clue on Faye Turney

Green's Clues own version of The View hosts roundtable discussions on popular topics of the day. This morning, the Faye Turney question is tackled by Wonder Woman, Dr. Beverly Crusher, Catwoman, and The Rawhide Kid.

Controversial for appearing in Islamic garb and writing letters home which she now says were coerced, Faye Turney, sailor in the Royal Navy, held hostage in Iran, is our focus today on The Clue. Catwoman?

This "woman" is an insult to feminism. Back in the 60s, we weren't running around demanding equal rights with special exceptions - that's not 'equal'. So Turney was afraid she'd never see her little girl again - are we supposed to be extra sympathetic to her? Moreso than if she were a man who might never see his child again? She's a mother, but that's no different than being a father in the service.

I have to agree with Catwoman. As a homosexual, I believe that when American gays fought for the right to join the military, they were seeking the right to fight for and die for their country, not the right to look cool in a uniform and learn how to use fancy technology. If you're gay and in the service, you're expected to not collaborate with the enemy. The same standard should apply across the board - men, women, parent or not.

Faye Turney is a member of the military. No one is suggesting that it's a life for everyone - it's not. When you sign up, you're no longer a civilian. I myself am a mother, and it's tough, but it's the life you choose.

Now would anyone agree that the problem isn't Faye Turney, but rather, as Catwoman earlier touched on, with feminism itself? Are women expecting more than equal rights and privileges? That we can, as an example, still reserve the right to grab all the lifeboats on the Titanic, even though we're no longer the defenceless and dependent females of that era? Has feminism in the 21st Century decided that we're not -

You're making my head spin here, sister. But if you want to talk feminism, fine: Where does this chick get off letting some fanatical piece of shit fundamentalist jack-off dress her in "modest" Islamic garb? Any of those fucks come anywhere near me with a hijab or a chador, I'll show them their clawed-off balls right before I shove 'em down their throats.

Goodness! I'm not sure that's the approach I'd take, Selina, but I certainly would absolutely refuse to be dressed that way. I'd have to be restrained - or see my friends in danger's way before I'd agree to do so willingly. And I'd specify that I wasn't doing so willingly, of course.

But let's not let the men off here, either. No way in hell I'd walk onto a camera dressed up as President I'madinnerjacket. How can 15 UK sailors and Marines not have the brains and wherewithal to rip those jackets, and that headscarf, off as they strode out? And waving and grinning like that, after allowing themselves to be so humiliated? Ugh.

Like I always say, "You know what I hate about men?"

"I've never met one!" High-five, girlfriend!

I'm sorry to hear that, because there are some out there. You know, I was also disappointed in Turney's letters home. No one could ever intimidate me into writing such a thing. Beat or torture me into it? - absolutely, I'm only human. But if Turney wants us to believe that we'd all be so easily intimated, then I'm afraid she's on some very thin ice.

My favourite part was when she begged for mercy pleading that she "felt like a traitor". Um, hello - you fucking are a traitor, bitch!

Ding ding ding! I think we have a winning answer!

But I think it's easy, isn't it, to imagine our own mothers, or sisters, or for that matter, our brothers or fathers, being so easily intimidated, no?

Yes, but Diana, remember - you're not talking about soldiers. Faye Turney and her weak-kneed crewmates are not civilians - they're in the army now. Most nations would expect immensely better of their men and women in uniform. Faye Turney and the 14 men with her don't deserve the gratitude and appreciation of their countrymen. And countrywomen.

Well now, good Doctor, you raise a question. Would American sailors and Marines buckle this easily? Does the UK actually give gratitude and appreciation of their ladies and gents in uniform, compared to the USA? Are their armed forces held to an invisible and intangible lower standard by default of the public not caring as much? These men and this women seem to sense that it's okay, that people will understand. I'm not sure that American soldiers would ever feel anyone back home would "understand".

I can tell you for damn sure, Rawhide, that a certain Islamic Republic wouldn't understand if their men and women behaved like this. In other words, in a showdown in the street brawl, with sticks and shovels, between Great Britain and Iran, guess which side would win?

Okay, well - good talk. Any closing thoughts today on Faye Turney?

She doesn't belong in the service, she simply doesn't have what it takes.

Exactly. A fine mother, no doubt, with skills and talents NOT suited to the Navy.

She can suck my dick, she and all her "team".


Thursday, March 29, 2007

The modern woman's adventures in T.O.

My professional neighbour Gallery drops by to help herself to some of the chocolate chip cookie dough I'm batching up while Walworf cuts his toenails at the kitchen table.

Gallery: I saw the biggest asshole on the subway today.
Walworf: Boss HarperCon?
Gallery: Strike one, brainiac. Like, Bo, this guy was really cute and stuff, and we were totally looking at each other, and made some eye contact. And then he like just stood there holding the strap, and smiled at me. So I was like, smiling back. And then we just waited, and he got out two stops later. And I was like, "Fuck you, asswipe."
Bo: Huh?
Gallery: Like, what kind of asshole doesn't come over and say hi? We were totally into each other, I would have given him my card - we could have been having coffee tomorrow or this weekend.
Bo: I thought you were a feminist??
Gallery: Of course I'm a feminist!! Why would you even question that?!?!


Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Separatists say the darnedest things...

"Maybe our rebuild Quebec platform was too radical," he said.
-PQ supporter at Club Soda

Monday, March 26, 2007

A rumour is a rumour is a rumour

Let's face it. People are cocksuckers in politics. It's not a good thing. It shouldn't happen. But it does. The rumour around the blogosphere (Let me be very clear; I am not suggesting that the rumour is true. I am only stating that it is out there.) is that Jason Cherniak sucks Liberal cock. And also that he let Paul Martin cum all over his face, lick it up and snowball it into Jason's mouth, asking Martin (or so this well-known rumour goes) "Please sir may I have another?!"

At its best, politics is about compromise. Let's bring down the volume of the debate and discuss it rationally.

I'm sorry if you read this and don't like me reporting the rumour about Jason-Cherniak sucking dicks, but it IS a real rumour. It is not the same as accusing him of having relations with sheep, because that is not a real rumour that is circulating in Toronto. Further, I am not demanding that he deny it.


Thursday, March 22, 2007

Because wifebeaters are people, too!

Looking to castigate your disobedient wife? Held back by an interfering legal system infringing on your personal and property rights?

Why not move your family to beautiful Germany, find religion, and hope to have your case heard by this judge!

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Short-Terms of Endearment

"Alright, fuck it," announces Stephen Harper, his voice reverberating around the underground lava tunnels of the secret CPC headquarters, "Polls say green, and green means Go. I can do the Green Power Ranger as well as any third-rate bit player who can't get a real job on a freaking soap opera - I'm the Grand Moff of this team effort, and I say we go for short-term Kyoto target commitments, now."

The assembled CPC caucus stares back around the long black marble topped table. "Great," mutters Rona Ambrose to herself, "Where was this schtick when I needed it?"
"Something you wanted to add, Rona?" queries the Prime Minister, as Howard Roark, his favourite kitten, springs into his lap.
"No sir, just saying 'Great idea, sir!', that's all."
"Mr. Prime Minister - we're against Kyoto, no?" asks Jason Kenney, bewildered.
"Correction - we were. But, Angus Reid has spoken, so let's get to it."
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa, hold on there, Steve-O," chimes in John Baird. "I'M the environment minister here - "
"You're right, but guess what, hotshot? 'PRIME' outweighs 'environment' when it comes to ministerial duties," Harper shoots back. "
"This commits us to quite a large expenditure of cash, overseas," cautions Jason Kenney, "Why don't we just, you know, make a speech to the whole country about why we believe Kyoto will fail and is a waste of money?"
"Interesting," muses Stephen Harper, stroking Howard Roark, "Yes.. But - nah, let's go with spending boatloads of money."
"I could take a stab at the speech," offers Jason Kenney, "We could hire someone for a few grand, saving boatloads of Canada's cash."
"I appreciate your input," nods Stephen Harper.
"We could get the co-founder of Greenpeace to support us building nuclear reactors to get us off of coal, I'm sure he'd be happy to - "
"No, I've given this a lot of thought," says Stephen Harper thoughtfully, tickling Howard Roark's whiskers. "Canadians don't want a Prime Minister who will lead them and use the power of debate and argument to persuade them. They want us to spend tonnes of cash - on stuff. They want an impersonal and aloof PM - like me - who isn't interested in connecting with them to share his views, who doesn't want to try and win them over. Guys - I'm that Prime Minister!"

The CPC caucus stares back.

Stephen Harper shoots them a gun finger. "Trust me guys," he winks, "I know what I'm doing here."

Monday, March 19, 2007


Your old buddy Bo is lounging around sipping a Shirley Temple and watching the Muppets when his ultra-left-wing best friend Walworf walks in with a newspaper.

Walworf: Do you wanna seriously barf?
Bo: Hey, are you mocking my former bulimia??
Walworf: Look at this - George Bush thinks Barack Obama is "articulate".
Bo: Uh, isn't he, rather?
Walworf: Bo, you just don't get it. Black people are as smart as white people -
Bo: Or in Barack Obama's and my case, seven times smarter.
Walworf: They shouldn't have to face discrimination like being called "articulate" for being able to talk like a white person! Why is it so shocking to Bush that a black person can form a sentence?!
Bo: Hold on, is this your supervisor George Bush, or US President George W. Bush we're talking about here?
Walworf: President Bush, duh - Jesus!
Bo: Uhhh.... Walworf - he probably really is shocked whenever a person can form a sentence, no?

Walworf crumples the newspaper in angst, and leaves your hero to a skit about Gonzo in space.

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