Saturday, October 21, 2006

One for the team

Deep inside the Secret Underground Headquarters of the CPC, Prime Minister Stephen Harper steepled his fingers together in his luxurious, black leather swivel chair. His measured tone bounced off the long, slim granite table, around which rested the entire CPC Cabinet, cozy in the climate-controlled subterranean lava chamber.

"Houston, we have a problem," Harper began.

"I'll say," chimed in Rona Ambrose, "I guess that mediocre, but acceptable, framework approach we hastily cobbled together for the Clean Air Act should've been let loose last spring, when we first finished typing it up."

"Indeed," said Harper, stroking his favourite foster kitten, Howard Roark, in his lap, "Perhaps we ought not to have pretended to be working on a silver bullet all this time... our ruse has failed us, friends."

"If I may, Sir," offered Jason Kenney, the de facto Number Two, "I've a suggestion. What we need now is a diversion."

"Good idea!" agreed Peter MacKay, his rubber boots squeaking on the stainless steel floor, "I'll run up ahead of you guys, and when the Grits arrive, I'll pretend to need post-breakup grief counseling!!"

"Not this time, Peter," intoned Harper, his brow furrowed. "But say... you may have a role to play after all... You and Stronach used to nail... Hmmm - just maybe. Alright, it's crazy, but let's do it! MacKay, I want you to insult Stronach on the House floor! Something that the left could construe as sexist! This could be just the thing...."

"But sir," Rona interrupted, "Our spies tell us Belinda won't even be in the House tomorrow!"

"Never you mind, Rona!" enthused Peter, "I'll make it work! I know I can do it!"

"We're all counting on you, Peter," nodded Kenney. "This one's important, don't let us down."

"Don't worry, sirs. And ma'am. I'll have the left in a raving froth so knitted they'll completely forget about the environment!!!"

"Like they didn't while in office," quipped Harper.

"NAH HAH!" laughed Rona, offering a high-five palm to Harper, as the entire caucus burst out in united laughter. The Prime Minister smiled confidently, as Howard Roark tucked his chin into his tail and closed his eyes in the warm lap.


Blogger Olaf said...


Friggen brilliant! I'm linking at my place somehow.

Saturday, October 21, 2006 4:13:00 PM  
Blogger SouthernOntarioan said...

Great!! Loved it!

Saturday, October 21, 2006 7:58:00 PM  
Blogger Sheena said...

I can't remember where I read it today, thought it was a great coincidence that all this flares up again as Belinda's biography inches toward the remainder bin.

Saturday, October 21, 2006 8:55:00 PM  
Blogger Chuckercanuck said...


Sunday, October 22, 2006 8:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Fenris Badwulf said...

I am sure the Conservative Base will be devastated by Harper's lack of movement on this crucial issue, so important to their well being. Harper will lose all the tory votes in the downtown Toronto ridings, like Red Square Spadina, and Bolshevik Beaches. Without holding his Toronto base, how can he hope to win the election?

Sunday, October 22, 2006 9:34:00 AM  
Blogger Jason Bo Green said...

Actually, Fenris, I would really LOVE to see Canada go ALL Tory except for Toronto, so that I could watch four years of Torontonians bleating, "We don't even have a voice any longer!" That would be side-splitting.

Sunday, October 22, 2006 9:52:00 AM  
Blogger Jason Bo Green said...


That's VERY interesting...

Sunday, October 22, 2006 9:53:00 AM  
Blogger Margie Bargie said...

OK...that just makes me laugh. As a side-bar...did anyone notice that any successful girl in politics will eventually get some kind of a personal attack on her? Look at Hilary Clinton...pick on what you will but holy heck don't start in on the woman about her appearance - that is just lame. As for this dog thing...MacKay needs a bitch slap!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006 8:28:00 AM  

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