Green's Clues

Question a Senator, get tasered!

2007-09-20T02:14:00.000-07:00

The freedom to speak inoffensively is a freedom not worth having.

He's an agitator and kind of a dick, as you can see in the full video below, but that's the price of freedom and free speech. I had no idea police used tasers against unarmed citizens until this year, and this truly sickens me. Oh, and John Kerry is a real class act to drone on and on and on while a student is tasered right before him. No wonder he conceded... in a way, he answers the guy's question.

The Clue on Faye Turney

2007-04-10T05:59:00.000-07:00

Green's Clues own version of The View hosts roundtable discussions on popular topics of the day. This morning, the Faye Turney question is tackled by Wonder Woman, Dr. Beverly Crusher, Catwoman, and The Rawhide Kid.

Controversial for appearing in Islamic garb and writing letters home which she now says were coerced, Faye Turney, sailor in the Royal Navy, held hostage in Iran, is our focus today on The Clue. Catwoman?

This "woman" is an insult to feminism. Back in the 60s, we weren't running around demanding equal rights with special exceptions - that's not 'equal'. So Turney was afraid she'd never see her little girl again - are we supposed to be extra sympathetic to her? Moreso than if she were a man who might never see his child again? She's a mother, but that's no different than being a father in the service.

I have to agree with Catwoman. As a homosexual, I believe that when American gays fought for the right to join the military, they were seeking the right to fight for and die for their country, not the right to look cool in a uniform and learn how to use fancy technology. If you're gay and in the service, you're expected to not collaborate with the enemy. The same standard should apply across the board - men, women, parent or not.

Faye Turney is a member of the military. No one is suggesting that it's a life for everyone - it's not. When you sign up, you're no longer a civilian. I myself am a mother, and it's tough, but it's the life you choose.

Now would anyone agree that the problem isn't Faye Turney, but rather, as Catwoman earlier touched on, with feminism itself? Are women expecting more than equal rights and privileges? That we can, as an example, still reserve the right to grab all the lifeboats on the Titanic, even though we're no longer the defenceless and dependent females of that era? Has feminism in the 21st Century decided that we're not -

You're making my head spin here, sister. But if you want to talk feminism, fine: Where does this chick get off letting some fanatical piece of shit fundamentalist jack-off dress her in "modest" Islamic garb? Any of those fucks come anywhere near me with a hijab or a chador, I'll show them their clawed-off balls right before I shove 'em down their throats.

Goodness! I'm not sure that's the approach I'd take, Selina, but I certainly would absolutely refuse to be dressed that way. I'd have to be restrained - or see my friends in danger's way before I'd agree to do so willingly. And I'd specify that I wasn't doing so willingly, of course.

But let's not let the men off here, either. No way in hell I'd walk onto a camera dressed up as President I'madinnerjacket. How can 15 UK sailors and Marines not have the brains and wherewithal to rip those jackets, and that headscarf, off as they strode out? And waving and grinning like that, after allowing themselves to be so humiliated? Ugh.

Like I always say, "You know what I hate about men?"

"I've never met one!" High-five, girlfriend!

I'm sorry to hear that, because there are some out there. You know, I was also disappointed in Turney's letters home. No one could ever intimidate me into writing such a thing. Beat or torture me into it? - absolutely, I'm only human. But if Turney wants us to believe that we'd all be so easily intimated, then I'm afraid she's on some very thin ice.

My favourite part was when she begged for mercy pleading that she "felt like a traitor". Um, hello - you fucking are a traitor, bitch!

Ding ding ding! I think we have a winning answer!

But I think it's easy, isn't it, to imagine our own mothers, or sisters, or for that matter, our brothers or fathers, being so easily intimidated, no?

Yes, but Diana, remember - you're not talking about soldiers. Faye Turney and her weak-kneed crewmates are not civilians - they're in the army now. Most nations would expect immensely better of their men and women in uniform. Faye Turney and the 14 men with her don't deserve the gratitude and appreciation of their countrymen. And countrywomen.

Well now, good Doctor, you raise a question. Would American sailors and Marines buckle this easily? Does the UK actually give gratitude and appreciation of their ladies and gents in uniform, compared to the USA? Are their armed forces held to an invisible and intangible lower standard by default of the public not caring as much? These men and this women seem to sense that it's okay, that people will understand. I'm not sure that American soldiers would ever feel anyone back home would "understand".

I can tell you for damn sure, Rawhide, that a certain Islamic Republic wouldn't understand if their men and women behaved like this. In other words, in a showdown in the street brawl, with sticks and shovels, between Great Britain and Iran, guess which side would win?

Okay, well - good talk. Any closing thoughts today on Faye Turney?

She doesn't belong in the service, she simply doesn't have what it takes.

Exactly. A fine mother, no doubt, with skills and talents NOT suited to the Navy.

She can suck my dick, she and all her "team".

The modern woman's adventures in T.O.

2007-03-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

My professional neighbour Gallery drops by to help herself to some of the chocolate chip cookie dough I'm batching up while Walworf cuts his toenails at the kitchen table.

Gallery: I saw the biggest asshole on the subway today.
Walworf: Boss HarperCon?
Gallery: Strike one, brainiac. Like, Bo, this guy was really cute and stuff, and we were totally looking at each other, and made some eye contact. And then he like just stood there holding the strap, and smiled at me. So I was like, smiling back. And then we just waited, and he got out two stops later. And I was like, "Fuck you, asswipe."
Bo: Huh?
Gallery: Like, what kind of asshole doesn't come over and say hi? We were totally into each other, I would have given him my card - we could have been having coffee tomorrow or this weekend.
Bo: I thought you were a feminist??
Gallery: Of course I'm a feminist!! Why would you even question that?!?!

Separatists say the darnedest things...

2007-03-27T06:54:00.000-07:00

"Maybe our rebuild Quebec platform was too radical," he said.
-PQ supporter at Club Soda

A rumour is a rumour is a rumour

2007-03-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

Let's face it. People are cocksuckers in politics. It's not a good thing. It shouldn't happen. But it does. The rumour around the blogosphere (Let me be very clear; I am not suggesting that the rumour is true. I am only stating that it is out there.) is that Jason Cherniak sucks Liberal cock. And also that he let Paul Martin cum all over his face, lick it up and snowball it into Jason's mouth, asking Martin (or so this well-known rumour goes) "Please sir may I have another?!"

At its best, politics is about compromise. Let's bring down the volume of the debate and discuss it rationally.

UPDATE
I'm sorry if you read this and don't like me reporting the rumour about Jason-Cherniak sucking dicks, but it IS a real rumour. It is not the same as accusing him of having relations with sheep, because that is not a real rumour that is circulating in Toronto. Further, I am not demanding that he deny it.

Because wifebeaters are people, too!

2007-03-22T13:34:00.000-07:00

Looking to castigate your disobedient wife? Held back by an interfering legal system infringing on your personal and property rights?

Why not move your family to beautiful Germany, find religion, and hope to have your case heard by this judge!

Short-Terms of Endearment

2007-03-22T06:51:00.000-07:00

"Alright, fuck it," announces Stephen Harper, his voice reverberating around the underground lava tunnels of the secret CPC headquarters, "Polls say green, and green means Go. I can do the Green Power Ranger as well as any third-rate bit player who can't get a real job on a freaking soap opera - I'm the Grand Moff of this team effort, and I say we go for short-term Kyoto target commitments, now."

The assembled CPC caucus stares back around the long black marble topped table. "Great," mutters Rona Ambrose to herself, "Where was this schtick when I needed it?"
"Something you wanted to add, Rona?" queries the Prime Minister, as Howard Roark, his favourite kitten, springs into his lap.
"No sir, just saying 'Great idea, sir!', that's all."
"Excellent."
"Mr. Prime Minister - we're against Kyoto, no?" asks Jason Kenney, bewildered.
"Correction - we were. But, Angus Reid has spoken, so let's get to it."
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa, hold on there, Steve-O," chimes in John Baird. "I'M the environment minister here - "
"You're right, but guess what, hotshot? 'PRIME' outweighs 'environment' when it comes to ministerial duties," Harper shoots back. "
"This commits us to quite a large expenditure of cash, overseas," cautions Jason Kenney, "Why don't we just, you know, make a speech to the whole country about why we believe Kyoto will fail and is a waste of money?"
"Interesting," muses Stephen Harper, stroking Howard Roark, "Yes.. But - nah, let's go with spending boatloads of money."
"I could take a stab at the speech," offers Jason Kenney, "We could hire someone for a few grand, saving boatloads of Canada's cash."
"I appreciate your input," nods Stephen Harper.
"We could get the co-founder of Greenpeace to support us building nuclear reactors to get us off of coal, I'm sure he'd be happy to - "
"No, I've given this a lot of thought," says Stephen Harper thoughtfully, tickling Howard Roark's whiskers. "Canadians don't want a Prime Minister who will lead them and use the power of debate and argument to persuade them. They want us to spend tonnes of cash - on stuff. They want an impersonal and aloof PM - like me - who isn't interested in connecting with them to share his views, who doesn't want to try and win them over. Guys - I'm that Prime Minister!"

The CPC caucus stares back.

Stephen Harper shoots them a gun finger. "Trust me guys," he winks, "I know what I'm doing here."

Articulatedliness

2007-03-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

Your old buddy Bo is lounging around sipping a Shirley Temple and watching the Muppets when his ultra-left-wing best friend Walworf walks in with a newspaper.

Walworf: Do you wanna seriously barf?
Bo: Hey, are you mocking my former bulimia??
Walworf: Look at this - George Bush thinks Barack Obama is "articulate".
Bo: Uh, isn't he, rather?
Walworf: Bo, you just don't get it. Black people are as smart as white people -
Bo: Or in Barack Obama's and my case, seven times smarter.
Walworf: They shouldn't have to face discrimination like being called "articulate" for being able to talk like a white person! Why is it so shocking to Bush that a black person can form a sentence?!
Bo: Hold on, is this your supervisor George Bush, or US President George W. Bush we're talking about here?
Walworf: President Bush, duh - Jesus!
Bo: Uhhh.... Walworf - he probably really is shocked whenever a person can form a sentence, no?

Walworf crumples the newspaper in angst, and leaves your hero to a skit about Gonzo in space.

The Contenders

2007-03-13T04:36:00.000-07:00

"Tarsands!" exclaims Stephen Harper, slamming his iron fist on the metallic boardroom table. His favourite kitten, Howard Roark, jolts awake as the sound reverberates about the underground volcanic chamber. "If only Ed Broadbent were still active today, together the NDP and ourselves could be burying the Liberal Party alive - and screaming!"

"The problem as I see it," begins Wajid Khan.

"Um, Wajid?" interrupts Jason Kenney, "You're not really one of us, okay? See if you're here after the next election." Kenney pats Wajid's knee and smiles.

"The real problem is Jack Layton," muses Stephen Harper, stroking Howard Roark's whiskers.

"Why don't we just kill him?" suggests Rob Anders.

"Talk about getting 'results for people'," chortles Rona Ambrose.

"Nah hah! High Five!" grins Harper, throwing Rona an open palm.

"Whoo!" coos Rona, taking it.

"No, but seriously," says Harper soberly, "I'm afraid he'd have too much power as a martyr, which is what a little 'accident' would transform him into."

"Oh?" asks Kenney, "What if our little 'accident' involved him dying of auto-erotic asphyxiation?"

"Strategically brilliant," muses Harper, "But - we're not that evil."

Kenney's eyebrows lift in surprise. "We're not?" he asks warily, peering around at the rest of the caucus, seeing them as if for the first time...

Rahim Jaffer sits back and folds his arms behind his head. "We did such an excellent job driving them away from Bob Rae....," he ponders.

"Testify!" enthuses Peter MacKay, lifting a high-five palm to the table.

No one takes it.

"Perhaps we should have focused more on Ignatieff," wonders Jaffer aloud. "After all, Peter was no threat when trying to upstage you, sir... but this Ignatieff person, he has a real charisma.... Frankly, I'm concerned."

"Agreed," nods Harper.

"Hey, I know!" chortles John Baird, "Let's do a personality swap between Peter here and Michael Ignatieff!"

The table bursts out in gales of laughter and Peter MacKay sulks, reddened with embarrassment. Jason Kenney thinks to himself, "Are we evil, or are we mice?" and Howard Roark curls up in Harper's lap.

Who Watches The Watchers?

2007-03-08T13:06:00.000-08:00

Inside the Liberal Party's glittering satellite headquarters, silently orbiting the Earth, Stephane Dion slams a fist into the round table.

"Under Stephen Harper's extreme right-wing neo-conservative fascist rule Canada will not exist in 5 years!"

The assembled Liberal MPs and officials murmur; Bob Rae and Michael Ignatieff share raised eyebrows.

"Er, Stephane?" interjects Ignatieff, "Polls show the 'scary Stephen' angle just isn't working anymore..."

"Agreed, the shiny is off that penny," chimes in Bob Rae.

"Do we even care whether our children grow up in a scorched desert, submerged beneath rising sea levels?" Dion shrieks, his face purpled.

Martha Hall Findlay scratches her head, but looks attentive. Behind him, just outside one of the satellite's portholes, a tiny electronic device huddles in the seam, blinking a tiny blue light....

Meanwhile, in the Conservative Party's underground limestone chamber, gathered around their long stainless steel boardroom table, Stephen Harper and the Conservative caucus watch the Liberal proceedings on a giant viewscreen. Harper strokes his favourite cat, Howard Roark, in his lap.

"Excellent - our furtive mind-control device is working perfectly," murmurs Harper, scratching Howard Roark's chin. "Dion will unwittingly lead the Liberals to utter collapse - thanks to our remote control of him..."

"Amazing technology, sir," compliments John Baird, "But, where did we get it??"

Howard Roark clambers to the floor to prowl around the cold lava.

"A mystery donor sympathetic to our cause," replies industry-magus Maxime Bernier.

Jason Kenney leans in to Baird. "We suspect Conrad Black," he winks, lifting a 'shush' finger to his lips.

Stephen Harper watches the Liberal leader self-destruct, transfixed and hypnotized, eyes glazed and never blinking, the screen's lights coldly dancing on his tight face.

Howard Roark cleans his claws against the oak frame of the floor-to-ceiling oil portrait of Conrad Black. High above the unsuspecting gaze of the CPC, the severe eyes of Lord Black watch all, and the glistening black pupils whir mechanically.....

Meanwhile, several kilometres below the Crawford ranch, a stainless steel elevator hisses open, releasing hissing steam and George W. Bush, who strides into the polished-metal science lab of the Republican Party, where a three-dimensional hologram of Stephen Harper plays in live-feed.

"Status report," asks Bush tersely.

"Everything running smoothly," chortles Karl Rove, "The fool really believes he's controlling his own actions and thoughts! So does Canada!"

"Soon, our kind will rule and unite North America into one," beholds an awed Bush.

"Well really sir, the Canadian Conservatives are actually more like our Democrats....," cautions Colin Powell.

"SILENCE, FOOL!" snarls Dick Cheney, pounding the trapdoor release button - Colin Powell disappears with a shriek. Again.

"Soon," says Bush, "Soon, we will rule."

None notice the tiny humming noise emanating from Bush's enameled lapel pin....

Meanwhile, in a mysterious location unknown even to your humble narrator, in a cozy executive den, a mysterious mastermind watches George Bush on a tiny LCD screen in his leather chair's armrest.

A young assistant hands a report over - a well-tailored dark-sleeved hand accepts it to ponder over.

"Sir, Operation Brain Control is proceeding precisely as planned. No one has suspected the cerebral-control emitter's existence yet, and Bush continues to mangle words and make disastrous decisions - within 18 months, America will be primed for a 50-state Democratic sweep."

"Wonderful," intones the mastermind, slowly swiveling around in his high-backed leather chair, to reveal himself as Al Gore. "Well done," he says, clicking off the tiny screen, and steepling his fingers thoughtfully. "Proceed as instructed."

"One thing, sir," chips in the assistant, "Sensors indicate the brain control ray-drive is emitting dangerously high levels of CO2..."

"Fuck it," snorts Gore, "Let's fry this bastard."

Who's Who in Blogs

2007-03-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

I've never found myself wishing that Rob Anders had a blog before - but he'd make a perfect Hannibal Lecter after his handlers strap him to a dolly with that plastic shield over his mouth. Oh well, still lots to choose from. Canada's Debate asks which bloggers remind of us of which fictional characters. I know, I know, you think I'm just exactly like Superman... I get it all the time, thanks - really. Never one to turn down a procrastinating exercise in fun - a two-fer if one ever existed - I was all over it like an iSkin over a Mac keyboard.

Liblogs
Technologically inter-linked into one hive mentality; "ASSIMILATE OR DIE!!!", defeated after they fall asleep while completing their takeover of Earth - this one's a no-brainer:

Borg Cube all the way.

Blogging Tories
Stay sharp! It's the Borg Sphere!

The exact same "Assimilate or be destroyed!" herd mentality, but bigger, with more advanced technology, and more menacing.

Blogging Dippers
They think everyone else is unbearably ugly, can't bear to associate with anyone unlike themselves, too ideological and pre-occupied with fighting amongst themselves over who is most ideological - they sound tantalizingly like the Ferengi, but for their fear and loathing of wealth.... so I'm gonna have to run with the always-useful Red Shirts - Lieutenants Adams, Beaton, Colby, Darnell, Erie, Fallon, Golding, Hooper, Ilton, Jones, Kurt, Latimer, Morton, Norris, O'Hara, Pitt, Quinn, Radstake, Smith, Tanner, Unsworth, Xavier, Yan, and Zetter. Thanks guys, for always taking one for the team!

Calgary Grit is easy - private, not prone to chitchat, work focused, absorbed in study, collects opinions in roundtable discussion. Prefers diplomacy to fighting, and shields to attacking. A good bet to be an Ambassador in the future. Who is he? Pick a card - any card. Even the Captain Picard.

Careful, he's linked to the Borg! But ultimately, he's better than them.

ChuckerCanuck - a highly trained and skilled engineer, full of hearty bluster, good cheer, and humour, and his travels carry him far. Loyal at all costs, he's there with all the defence and offence any leader could ever hope for. As long as Chucker has a pack of gum and two sticks to rub together, his Supreme Leader knows someone's got his back. Oh, and he's played by a Canadian.

Olaf Raskolnikov
This one was hard, but I think I finally nailed it. He's a two-parter, a yin and yang, a perfect balance of Lisa's devotion to study and education and Bart's temper and schoolyard fun. My pet monkey suggested "Bisa", but I'm going with "Lart".

Paul Wells? Just Lisa - with the money for an iPod.

Sheena
Sexy sophisticated globe-trotting Canadian flirt with a taste for the finer things in life (including men) and a clever riposte always lurking on her tongue - no one should be surprised when I nominate her to be Miss Moneypenny. ROWR!

Joanne of Joanne And The World:
Thinks she's an esteemed politician but has no comprehension of military matters, people avoid her, loud and over-bearing but genuinely cares. Combined with increasing desperation to remind everyone how young she is, Joanne is clearly... Lwaxanna Troi

And Liberal Catnip is Deanna Troi.

Personally Penny - dead sexy, fun and sassy, but get the fuck out of the way if you want to cross swords with her. Amazing smile, studies hard on issues, loves the environment, likes to learn about the law - this one is almost too easy to bother with.... she's the Julia Roberts incarnation of Erin Brockovich.

Big City Lib
Shrieky, from Care Bears.

Scott Tribe is Martha, as portrayed by Elizabeth Taylor, in Albee's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Shoshana B/rainy Smurf

The Frog Lady always reminds me of Toad from X-Men - but nice.

Controversy of the Week Special!
Robert McClelland is Regan MacNeil. Playing with ideas they shouldn't have touched, now they're doubled-over in painfully contorted positions, heads on backwards, fitfully raging and frothing with curses - and spraying vomit over any who dare challenge. Oh, and they're not much for God's Chosen People, either. Where are you, Father Karras, when we need you?

Jason Cherniak... almost too easy... but alright - he is of course the Black Knight.

ARTHUR:
Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT:
Yes, I have.

Kate MacMillan
Her interest in mechanics and attempts to convince people she is human qualify her to play Lt. Cmdr. Data -- but he always tells the truth, and makes a constant effort to be diplomatic and kind. So his evil twin Lore makes a perfect substitute - good with numbers, and gives the Borg a false sense of individuality with which to manipulate them. Be warned - Lore is not known to have Data's off-switch.

Fond of wearing leather, can't get enough of the spotlight, despises authority, environmentally conscious and vocal, uses a sledgehammer when a love-tap would do - you can never be sure who's side he's playing on, though you always know it's in his own best interest... Michelle Pfeiffer owns Catwoman, but if Halle Berry can strap on the whip, Garth Turner can suit up for a bit.

Jacobin
Runs around in circles desperately linking to mainframes anywhere he can find them. And seriously, can ANYone understand what the fuck he's talking about? Ever?

Red Butler

Like the robot shark they used to make JAWS, he can only turn left.

Just kidding man, you know I love ya, big red ;)

80's Girls Gone Wild
JoanneTB - sword at the ready, this is a blogger who won't back down, ever - She-Ra for sure. Candace loves a good laugh, enjoys children, and likes to listen and share, she's open-minded, and most of all, she always looks on the bright side: she reminds me of Rainbow Brite, and Paladiea seems at home in the forest, and she's something of a fruit, really, so Strawberry Shortcake she is. They probably deserve better than this picture, but seriously, does it get any better than this picture?

Steve Janke - none other than Mycroft Holmes: Sherlock Holme's older, smarter, lazier brother. He knows everything, or can find it out, but, like any true blogger, he doesn't like to leave the house very often. Prefers to focus on government work.

Pierre Bourque
He likes fast cars, hanging out in fancy restaurants to spy on conversations, and most of all, knows the power of paid endorsements and product placement. Hm, ring any bells?

Springer: Pick a Charlton Heston character. Any Charlton Heston character.

Thou gorbellied crook-pated canker-blossom! Qualling milk-livered miscreant! Rank rutting reeky rogue! Lumpish impertinent fawning logger-headed fat-kidneyed doghearted hell-hated pox-marked dankish F-word (that's "fustilarian", by the way) toad! Snippy enough to be gay, yet married with children, Fan of the Great Insult Red Tory is Wm. Shakespeare - not a fictional character, granted... or was he???

Formerly the most powerful lawyer in Gotham City, he met a horrible fate at the hands of a conniving and backstabbing bigwig looking to get even. Now a twisted and bitter arch-nemesis of decency, you never know when he'll strike next, or who he'll move against. Heads you live - tails you die - it's all just a whim to him, a casual toss of the coin. Warren Kinsella is Harvey "Two-Face" Dent.

Stephen Taylor guest stars in Stranger than Fiction. "One day, Harold suddenly started hearing a powerful voice that no one else could, which started to tell him what to do." Just kiddin' ya, ST. ;)

Who said democracy would be easy? Pogge reminds me of the Rebel Alliance - they're taking the Death Star down, baby, even if they have to do it twice!

Richard McAdam: lives on the ocean, was once a Liberal but bargained to sell his soul to become a Tory - and got his wish. Now, he's celebrating true love. He's The Little Mermaid!

Joe Green - does he even exist? It's a never ending debate - he's Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Ready to lead a full rebellion against the central Empire to create a free and democratic Republic, fair to all outlying regions, Joe Calgary's got heavy organization skills and the financial backing to put them to use. No time for bullshit, and knows his way around a gun, Joe is Princess Leia.

James Bow: crazy little thing called love, for trains. And rails. And train stations. Childlike, but not childish, earnest and with an imagination beyond compare, he enjoys science-fiction and fantasy. He's Canadian and loves to entertain kids with stories - tell me he doesn't just scream Simon from The Secret Railroad.

Because he does.

Greg Staples - Conservative - but, not evil. Always fair and honest with you, reasonable, prefers debate to argument. Capable and efficient, always knows his stuff, always prepared, he's a devoted family man, and so freaking nice. Michael Bluth.

Undercover Mosque

2007-03-05T14:26:00.000-08:00

Intrigued by the stories of this BBC programs's investigation into moderate mosques in Britain, I contacted the Beeb to inquire about purchasing a copy, to see for myself what all the fuss was about. Alas, they finally got back to say copies were not available for purchase - but I had the swift idea of checking YouTube.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Mea Culpa

2007-02-16T13:06:00.000-08:00

I'll be honest where Paul Wells has been silent:

Whoops!

I really figured Dion was going to be the perfect match-up to Harper - quiet, serious, intellectual policy addict vs. quiet, serious, intellectual policy addict. I said at the time, "Get ready for the most attention-demanding national debate ever". But instead, Dion is resorting too often to empty rhetoric, typical of a politician, and Harper has shown himself a tad too cynical in his actions too often: he is indeed a strategist, not a policy wonk.

Between them, I guess I'll take Harper. Dion is optimistic, and I appreciate and value that quite a lot. But I'm not sure he's very pragmatic. In the end, I believe I'll vote Green - we'll see.

Masculinity Rebooted

2006-11-19T08:09:00.000-08:00

A star is born this weekend - Western masculinity is back. Reports are already filtering in from Hollywood of the apparent suicides of Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise, Ashton Kutcher, Adrian Brody, Heath Ledger, and Tobey Maguire, all distraught at the destruction of their fanbases by the arrival of Daniel Craig as James Bond.

If Sean Connery died this morning, the papers tomorrow would say, "originated role of James Bond prior to Daniel Craig". I know this is a longshot, but heck - I'll take it: Don't be surprised if he takes home the Oscar in a few months.

And don't be surprised if a lot of big actors in Hollywood aren't working past next year.

Believe it. Bond hasn't returned; he's only just arrived.

The Provinces at the beach!

2006-11-08T07:54:00.000-08:00

Everyone's favourite wacky family, the Provinces, interrupt their vacation with a familiar debate:

"I think I'm special and unique," sighs Quebec.

"We know, you're a girl," says Alberta, "Thanks for reminding us yet again."

"Well, I'm a hermaphrodite, so I'm special too," chimes in New Brunswick.

"I have something of a feminine side myself," says Ontario, "And Quebec has her tomboyish bits, also."

"Jesus," huffs BC, holding a lungful of smoke in, "Haven't we been over and over this already?"

"I just think it's time you boys all understood - I'm different than you. I have a unique perspective and outlook and I obey a different set of - you know, rules."

"That doesn't make you special," chides Ontario, "I'm special, too - I have a huge... you know."

"Yeah, we know," groans Nova Scotia, "No need to keep reminding."

"It was the biggest in the world at one time, you know."

"Thanks - we know!"

"I'm the best looking one," suggests BC.

"Says who?" object the rest in unison.

"Oh, but you have had a lot of substance abuse problems!" offers Nova Scotia.

"Good one!" cries BC, "High five!"

"I'm adopted!" smiles Newfoundland proudly.

"I went through rebellious phase a long time ago," suggests Manitoba. "In this family, that's special..."

"I'm a unique colour!" pipes up PEI.

"No one ever remembers me," says Saskatchewan, "That's special!"

"I survived a huge explosion!" reminds Nova Scotia.

"You want to talk about 'special'? You wanna talk about 'grievances'?" scoffs Alberta, "I was the one being anally raped all my entire adolescence by our loving parents, just because Ontario thought it would be interesting to watch - I'd call that pretty fucking 'unique', wouldn't you?"

"Oh dear," tuts Ontario, quickly changing the subject, "Alberta has some issues to work out. Now, back to Quebec - "

"Why do I feel like I don't have a voice in this family?" asks Alberta, "Why?"

"Because we don't, join the club," says BC.

"I feel like no one ever listens to me," says Alberta.

"Is someone talking? I can't hear anything," quips Quebec.

"Yeah, me too," agrees Ontario, "I keep hearing this faint buzz, but I can't make out any words."

"Screw you's all," snorts Alberta, "I could buy and sell every one of ya's."

"La la la la, la la laa la la la laaa, I can't hear anything at all!" sings Ontario.

"Nah hah! High five!" chuckles Quebec.

Alberta stomps off to throw stones ponderously into the water. Soon, BC approaches to console him, and they talk quietly by themselves while Ontario and Quebec dazzle themselves with their wit and finery.

Democrats win House, poised to take Senate

2006-11-08T04:49:00.000-08:00

Well, they'd been afraid of changing
'Cause they'd built their life around him
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And they're getting older, too

So take their love, take it down
If he climbs a mountain and he turns around
And if he sees their reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide bring it down

I always said Stevie Nicks was good for any occasion.

The Democrats are clueless and whining, but the Republicans are incompetent and arrogant. Neither is all that hot, really - but a wake-up call to a stubborn, out of touch President is a pretty good result, I suppose.

Meanwhile, back in the TARDIS

2006-11-06T06:27:00.000-08:00

In an exciting display of a new bi-partisanship, Michael Ignatieff returns home (Boston) to boost his image posing with John Kerry, while Kerry gets to meet with the esteemed Human Rights neo-conservative who now opposes Bush - it's a match made in heaven!

Jeans and boots and flannel shirts on proud display, Ignatieff and Kerry address the press corps.

"We wanna support the little guy," enthuses Kerry.

"The peasant!" chimes in Ignatieff.

"Exactly!"

"And we've got a new direction in Iraq!"

"Preferably, the exact opposite direction we took going in!" jokes Kerry, elbowing Ignatieff jovially - Ignatieff winks and shoots back a gun finger.

"Right, John! Just as soon as Quebeckers are protected from tyranny and oppression!"

"He means 'Kurds'," Kerry explains, smiling.

Once inside their campaign bus, which is actually a re-configured TARDIS, housing a lavish Roman spa in an ornate Baroque style, Kerry and Ignatieff hand the flannel shirts to loyal ~~peasants~~ assistants, who tear away velcro jeans and hold out ermine capes for the dandies. A small (live) orchestra stirs up Handel's Water Music, and curried prawns and Veuve Cliquot appear courtesy of pages, as Ignatieff's and Kerry's sumptuous thrones are wheeled in by plumed ponies.

"Ah, this campaign shall be the death of these wearied, humble bones," sighs Michael Ignatieff.

"Indeed, old compatriot, as shall mine be of mine! OOF!!" agrees John Kerry, banging his head painfully on the outstretched marble arm of a statue.

"For sooth, why in god's name need we betters even bother to campaign? OH!" wonders Mi, slipping up on a steamed mussel and banging his jaw on his sealskin and granite throne.

"A cruel, cruel jest!" waxes Senator j/k, rubbing his skull. "Can these peons not recognize our imperial majesties and simply acquiesce to our shining brilliances? URGH!" he finishes, smacking his funnybone against the family crest.

"Indeed, I must agree," says Mi, spitting out a molar, "Are we not jewels ablaze? ARCK!", he queries, accidentally kneeing his own self right in the nuts (it's complicated to explain, but he somehow manages it).

"Ohhh, I've done that one before!" sympathizes J/K. "Tell me, good friend," he asks, rolling a delicately pinched finger in the air, "Do you have any Grey Poupon?"

Mi breaks out into delicately stifled giggles: "Oh, really that is too much! You really are the limit!"

"Indeed, I am!" winks Kerry mischievously.

"Why don't they 'get' us, John?" ponders Mi, gazing out on the sun-dappled villages and cities.

"Maybe, Michael, they just don't deserve us," suggests J/K.

"Yes," smiles Mi, "I like that."

Provigo to veterans: Fuck you

2006-11-02T07:08:00.000-08:00

A Provigo has decided it no longer has room for vets to sell poppies in their store.

A quick internet search finds that Loblaw's owns: Loblaw's, Real Canadian Superstore, Zehr's, Real Canadian Wholesale Club, anything President's Choice, and Maxi, as well as the mentioned Provigo chain.

(Thanks to Bourque for this, as always.)

The Provinces at the beach!

2006-11-02T05:08:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile, underground...

2006-11-01T05:33:00.001-08:00

Howard Roark and John Galt, Stephen Harper's favourite kittens, frolic and wrestle at Harper's ankles on the lava-rock floor as Harper calls the secret meeting of the CPC to order around their long, stainless steel table.

"Why don't we just kill Jack Layton?" offers Jason Kenney.

"No, not yet," muses Harper, scratching the ears of Dagny Taggart in his lap. "Martyr-hood would only give him more power..."

"Don't you mean 'some' power," quips Rona Ambrose.

"Hi-five!" snickers Harper, throwing a palm to her.

"It's so funny to see Jack Layton try and act tough!" chortles Peter MacKay, his rubber boots squeaking on the floor. "Trying to act like a real man or something!"

"Hey, how about you give that a shot, Peter?" scoffs Rahim Jaffer, to Jason Kenney's amusement.

"Seriously though," interrupts Rona, "Should we be worried about all this?"

"Well...," ponders Harper, rubbing Dagny Taggart's chin, "An election right now could be in Canada's best interests...."

"WHAT?" exclaims Jason Kenney.

"But sir! The Liberals don't even have a leader! They'd NEVER support Layton in this!"

"Exactly, Rona! - they'd have to select a leader immediately."

"Ohhhhh," says Rona, suddenly getting it, "Triggering an early end to their 9 month sideshow..."

"I see what you mean by Canada's best interests," muses Jason Kenney.

To the Batpoles

2006-10-29T14:47:00.000-08:00

Celebrating our defeat of an art forgery ring in Tehran with champagne and licorice, Rival and yours truly are suddenly captured by followers of radical extremist cleric Arshad Misbahi, and sentenced to death by stoning next Wednesday.

"Just as I was about to copyright the name 'Champagine and Licorice' for a blog title," I muse, pulling on the iron bars over the window.

"Courage, my love," Rival cautions, examining the stone walls for a chance at escape, "I wonder if I could use the battery from my cellphone to shock and stun one of the guards when they arrive with our day-old Roses Of The Prophet Muhammad and untreated water... Say - I've a cellphone!"

Hastily, I call up my ultra-leftist NDP supporter, Walworf.

"Walworf, it's Bo! Rival and I are in hot water with repressive homophobic religious nuts and we need rescuing!"

"Boss Harp and his minions again?"

"Walworf, these guys are serious, and are going to put Rival and me to death!!"

"Jesus, being against gay marriage is such a slippery slope, I always warned you."

"There's also 7 women across the hall going to be stoned to death - we can help them, too!"

"Already on it, Bo! I'm circulating an internet petition called 'Five Things Feminism Has Done For Me' to restore funding cuts to Status of Women!!"

"Walworf, I'm in Iran, not Canada! Rival and I and these 7 women are all going to be publicly stoned!"

"But Bo, that's their culture - we don't have the right to criticize diversity!"

Rival nudges me - "Someone's coming!"

"Walworf, you dink - I'll see you for movie night." Hanging up, I flatten to the wall behind the door, and Rival pretends to tie his shoe.

"I'll take the first guard," I whisper, "You take the second when he jumps me - I'll grab the keys and rescue the women."

I signal as a key turns in the lock.

Rival winks. "Courage, my love."

Wait a minute, is there a little similarity there?

2006-10-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

Toronto Mayor David Miller - dismal failure
His challenger Jane Pitfield - lots of complaints and no ideas

Almost like our very own miniaturized Bush-vs-Democrats roleplaying battle, huh?

Global Fonzie

2006-10-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

Too many environmental pundits are unaware of how afraid many (not all) scientists were of catastrophic global cooling in the 1970s.

However, one reporter from the era commented on CBC's As It Happens tonight that, as near as I recall his quote, "The Earth goes through cycles, there was in Ice Age 10 000 years ago. There's reason to wonder that if mankind hadn't learned how to burn coal and oil, we'd be entering into another Ice Age right now."

Wow.

Let's play a game!

2006-10-23T18:56:00.000-07:00

One of these things does not belong here - see if you can guess which one!!!

No cheating!!!

1. Potential civil war in Iraq
2. The demise of the efficient electric car
3. Declining birth rates
4. Peter MacKay and Belinda Stronach
5. Genocide in Darfur

If you guessed 1, 2, 3, or 5 - try again!!!

Nothing civil about it...

2006-10-22T12:38:00.000-07:00

Your old buddy Bo lounges in the tub re-reading Moonraker when the phone rings. Caller ID reveals it's his old ultra-Leftist NDP-organizer pal, Walworf!

BO: Hey funster, what's up.

WALWORF: Bo, what does it take to get people to fucking acknowledge, "This is a civil war"?

BO: Ummm... all the combatants shaking hands and saying, "Hey, good fight"?

WALWORF: I mean, it's time to fucking acknowledge it's happening. It's a society at war for fuck's sake, duking it out. Let's admit it, it's a civil war!

BO: Dude - I agree! I mean, over a 100 cars in flames every single night for a whole year now, a dozen daily attacks on police or emergency workers, over 3000 officers injured in 12 months, total "no-go" zones!

WALWORF: Holy shit, bro! I had NO IDEA it was that bad in Iraq!!

BO: Iraq?? Aren't we talking about France???

One for the team

2006-10-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

Deep inside the Secret Underground Headquarters of the CPC, Prime Minister Stephen Harper steepled his fingers together in his luxurious, black leather swivel chair. His measured tone bounced off the long, slim granite table, around which rested the entire CPC Cabinet, cozy in the climate-controlled subterranean lava chamber.

"Houston, we have a problem," Harper began.

"I'll say," chimed in Rona Ambrose, "I guess that mediocre, but acceptable, framework approach we hastily cobbled together for the Clean Air Act should've been let loose last spring, when we first finished typing it up."

"Indeed," said Harper, stroking his favourite foster kitten, Howard Roark, in his lap, "Perhaps we ought not to have pretended to be working on a silver bullet all this time... our ruse has failed us, friends."

"If I may, Sir," offered Jason Kenney, the de facto Number Two, "I've a suggestion. What we need now is a diversion."

"Good idea!" agreed Peter MacKay, his rubber boots squeaking on the stainless steel floor, "I'll run up ahead of you guys, and when the Grits arrive, I'll pretend to need post-breakup grief counseling!!"

"Not this time, Peter," intoned Harper, his brow furrowed. "But say... you may have a role to play after all... You and Stronach used to nail... Hmmm - just maybe. Alright, it's crazy, but let's do it! MacKay, I want you to insult Stronach on the House floor! Something that the left could construe as sexist! This could be just the thing...."

"But sir," Rona interrupted, "Our spies tell us Belinda won't even be in the House tomorrow!"

"Never you mind, Rona!" enthused Peter, "I'll make it work! I know I can do it!"

"We're all counting on you, Peter," nodded Kenney. "This one's important, don't let us down."

"Don't worry, sirs. And ma'am. I'll have the left in a raving froth so knitted they'll completely forget about the environment!!!"

"Like they didn't while in office," quipped Harper.

"NAH HAH!" laughed Rona, offering a high-five palm to Harper, as the entire caucus burst out in united laughter. The Prime Minister smiled confidently, as Howard Roark tucked his chin into his tail and closed his eyes in the warm lap.

NYC and USA to terrorists: You win, we surrender!

2006-10-19T17:20:00.000-07:00

A while ago - about five years, actually - my one of my sister's pigs was hit by a truck. It bled, it howled, it struggled, and the next day got it's strength back and was as spry as you can imagine. It was dead two days later, and I wonder if the same thing hasn't happened to New York.

I never liked a single design any architect ever proposed for the new World Trade Centre. Almost all of them were about half the height, which every moron in the world justified by saying, "Well, people will be scared to be in them."

Whatever happened to "Nothing to fear but fear itself"? Or, "if you don't rent cloud-view office space, then the terrorists will have won?" Let me tell you, if I had the money, I'd be first in line to rent the top floor - no question about it.

The worst designs were the bullshit 60 storey towers topped with lots of antenna or "rigging", as they liked to euphemistically call their faint-hearted efforts, to make it seem taller than the actual occupied building.

I always said, starting five minutes after the second tower collapsed: "We need to build those goddamn towers back, but this time, ten stories more - just to say, 'Fuck you'". Imagine my surprise when two New Yorkers took up my clarion call - Donald Trump unveiled a model of his idea, the identical towers built exactly the same but with one further, black floor on top, and Jerry Seinfeld called for the same WTC to be built over again, but this time with two giant signs on each that said, "Fuck" and "You".

Sadly, not only does New York not share the opinion of these two strategists, but it can't even get its act together to begin building a new World Trade Centre. Some enterprising T-shirt vendor should give up on "I Heart NY" and go for "I flew all the way to NY and all I saw was this lousy hole in the ground" - with all the chickenshit supporters who insist that nothing should be built there, I'm sure it'd be a big hit. For some reason, a lot of people prefer the hole in the ground.

There is no excuse in the world for this paucity of will and effort. Do we want to beat these motherfuckers, or do we not? Because right now, they are winning. They can turn on their tv on any given day and rest comfortably, knowing that victory is theirs, still - the skyline of the greatest city in the world still bears the trademark of their crafty wiles, not ours.

The fifth anniversary of September 11th ought to have been commemorated by George W. Bush cutting the ribbons to the new WTC, whichever design lily-livered NYC finally decided on. I recently found out that the Empire State Building was built - during the Depression, for god's sake - in 401 goddamn days, excavation to Hoover turning on the lights. We could do that again - Jesus, we could do it every 401 days using 80 year old technology.

Why has the WTC not been re-built? Why, for god's sake? In the name of all that is important to the West, why the fuck not? Why is New York not up in arms ready to crucify Bloomberg, Pataki, and Bush for their failure? Is there anything more important in wartime than symbolism? Is there any more powerful symbol in the world that anyone can think of, save Bin Ladin himself being eaten by American Staffordshire Terriers on live news, that could show the world America isn't going to take this treatment lying down? That America survived, and fights still? In this battle, there is no other symbol more potent than the WTC - and instead of a new tower, we've chosen a hole in the ground to be our emblem. Nice one, guys. The only problem is, it's their symbol, too.

It will be re-built eventually - they might even start laying the Freedom Tower foundation next year. Yee-haw, too late. By the time it's done, September 11th will have receded farther into the past, and the shock and horror will be even more diminished, and it just won't mean as much when it finally does open. It's already too late. Small children who see it won't have a clue what it really means, and anyone older will have struggled for most of an entire decade to put it behind them and move on with their lives. No, the chance to yell out in support of the construction team when you pass by has already faded. We've lost this part of the fight back against Bin Laden and against extremist radical Islam - the window of opportunity to shout out, "Fuck you" has now closed.

The guy who wins the fight is the one who keeps getting up, no matter what, no matter how bloodied - and right now, New York is down for the count.

It's Opposite Day! Hurray!!

2006-10-17T14:12:00.000-07:00

When opposing means supporting!

An opponent of public security cameras interviewed on CBC hourly news apparently seems to strongly support security cameras on streets:

"It's a waste of money - why would someone shoot a gun in front of a camera? They're not to catch anyone. No one would be stupid enough to commit a crime on camera."

Can I get a camera on my street, in that case?

The Liberal Party needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle

2006-10-16T07:02:00.000-07:00

Make no mistake about it, folks - the Liberal Party is deeply committed to supporting and fostering the involvement of women in Canadian politics. Just so long as they're not Martha Hall Findlay!

The Liberal Party, which trips over itself to talk about plans and ideas to get women into politics, doesn't even give a terrific candidate like Martha a measly 2% of delegates - even that is too much to ask. The party talks a great game about being for women, but which parties have had a female leader? The Conservatives have - and given us a female Prime Minister (not even counting Joe Clark!) over a decade ago. The NDP has given us two - two! - female leaders. The Greens have been around for less time than the iPod, and even they've got a female leader. The party which claims the Conservatives have a hidden agenda against women has never had one - and they've just passed over the chance to let a good woman come close.

Martha Hall Findlay is honest, focused, hard-working, bilingual, and accomplished. She looks like a Prime Minister and is a worthy contender. If this candidate cannot make it to the second ballot, then the Liberals are today no more evolved than the Conservatives were in 1976 - three full decades ago.

This is a great opportunity for Liberals to demonstrate to Canadians how committed they are to supporting women in federal politics. Should Martha win? No. Should she be doing better than Volpe and Brison and Dryden are? Yes - she should. I really would love to see the Liberal Party give her a decent showing this December!

At last, good news for the depleted (and shrinking) Liberal ranks

2006-10-14T17:17:00.000-07:00

Mel Gibson's joining! Hurray!

When you're this big, they call you Robert

2006-10-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

One thing is slowly coming clear to me out of this whole Ignatieff/Qana/warcrimes flap:

In a leadership race, Bob Rae is the one showing the most leadership.

"I think it's a very unwise comment, because these words have a very prejudicial effect, and it's important for anybody not to rush to judgment on these matters. It's obviously an extremely emotional and difficult issue in the world," Mr. Rae said in an interview.

"To me, it's a terrible tragedy when civilians get killed in a war. But the suggestion of a war crime is something that involves the deliberate and intentional killing of civilians," he added.

He said Hezbollah, which fired rockets on Israeli towns, clearly aimed at civilians.

"But with respect to the government of Israel, I've never heard a serious suggestion that there was any deliberate targeting of civilians."

He's the only one to speak out on a controversial opinion and tackle it, and he's given the most reasonable (and, probably, most statesmanlike) opinion.

Right now, Bob Rae's starting to stand out in my view. I also think he's handled it more gracefully than Stephen Harper.

Southern Ontarioan tags. Big game ensues.

2006-10-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

I've been bitten by S.O., who was bitten by Closet Liberal, to write a six word news story.

CL began with "Harper tackles environment. Warm winter predicted." Which is pretty good.

SO swings back with "Bush tries diplomacy. DRNK gets nukes." Also hot.

I've had real trouble here...

~~Iggy calls a crime, sleeps tight.~~

~~Crash sucks. Wins Best Movie Oscar.~~

~~Jason struggles mightily. Not good enough.~~ (Not bad.... )

~~Rice elected President. Assassinated in South.~~

~~Saddam taken out. Flowers greet liberators.~~ Nah.

~~Warcrimes in Qana. Better than Nyquil!~~

~~Rona produces zilch. Harper takes credit.~~

Oh, I think I got it...

Harper government defeated. UN recognizes Alberta.

I know, I know - all throughout, you've been wondering... who will Jason bite? Natch, the funniest guy around - ChuckerCanuck.

Qana Qana Qana Qana Qana Qameleon

2006-10-11T14:11:00.000-07:00

I'm awfully hesitant to call Qana a warcrime - at current moment I suspect it would if anything be a tragic mistake, and intent, as I understand, makes the crime.

But the retraction is what makes this really embarrassing. And not embarrassing for Ignatieff - it's embarrassing for me just to watch.

No one needs "political experience" to understand how not to make a total asshole of yourself. Any junior boxboy at my grocery store knows how to carry yourself with some class and dignity. It's shocking that people are on this guy's bandwagon.

Cabinet or US Senate, fine. Party Leader? Give me a break.

Hurray! Now North Korea has the bomb!

2006-10-09T10:51:00.001-07:00

Boy, this War On Terror is great! Remember when they had a War On Drugs, and now you can't buy any drugs anywhere any more? This is just like that!

A sad day for Nova Scotia

2006-10-04T15:40:00.000-07:00

Of course, Sunday Shopping will only lead to Sunday Polygamy, Sunday Bestiality, Sunday Card Playing, and Sunday Solvent Huffing. What tragedy for New Scotland.

Muriel's Wedding

2006-10-03T06:44:00.000-07:00

I never much believed that gay marriage was an issue of "human rights" - it's a sign of mission creep for Western rights activists when fighting for the rights of Elton John and David Furnish becomes more focused and intense than tackling female circumcision.

But, I'll say one thing - and it's a big thing. Gay men are, generally speaking, trash - and maybe gay marriage can help remedy that. I know lots of people who do drugs - and no one does drugs like gay men. I know gay men who (routinely) do so much cocaine they need to do Viagra on the side. And frequently add in GHB or tina to the mix. I know an above-average number of gay men who are educated but don't excel in life, a higher-than-normal number who drink to excess, and a whole damn lot who will do anything to get laid - not because they're horndogs, but because it will pick up their self-esteem for a bit. Most gay men live in a state of perpetual adolescence - prom night never happens, so high school never ends. Gay men never need to grow up and become a part of adult society.

It's a constant party, being "mainstream gay" - but there's an unhappiness behind the deep tans and designer T shirts. If finding a solid life partner in a communicative, trusting relationship is encouraged, maybe it can happen more. I don't know, but that's my current thinking.

I don't think it's a human rights issue the way that aboriginal standards of living is a human rights issue, but after years of thinking, I've come to think it's a solution that could help remedy a great deal of problems, without hurting anyone else. I say, let's keep it.

Ask not what feminism can do for you, but rather what you can do for feminism

2006-09-30T20:07:00.000-07:00

I guess my "Five Things Feminism Has Done For Me" post didn't fit the bill for a couple "progressive" bloggers who wanted to see differently.

I'm of the opinion that Stephen Harper is a generally moderate person: I'm gay, and he doesn't want me in jail, he doesn't run around telling people I'm going to Hell (which, let's face it, I am), and he's never tried to beat any of my brothers and sisters up - he's fine with civil unions, and people, if I can grow up being spat on at high school and end up in a civil union before 30, then we're living in a great country. I know, I know, it's more fun to hate the Leader of a party you didn't sign yourself to, but them's just the breaks. Stephen Harper does not hate women (if you ask me, he's one day going to call Rona Ambrose to congratulate her on becoming Canada's first elected female Prime Minister).

I was asked about feminism, not "women's rights", and I hold that core feminists have devalued motherhood and scorned and shamed stay-at-home moms rather than demanding motherhood itself be recognized as a priority profession for/in our society.

Status of Women isn't going to be abolished or hacked up - it never was in danger (although Nellie McClung accomplished more, without government funding, than it has). Stephen Harper is too wiley to give the Liberal Party a blank cheque to write "See, we told you so" on.

But I'm curious - what have these "progressives" done for feminism? I'm asking Cameron, and also Joanne, and just to add on to them, strictly out of idle curiosity to see what they say, I'm also going to ask Zac-a-roni (I just made that up - it's cute, no?) since he tagged Joanne, and will probably have something interesting to say (Zac was not unhappy with what I wrote, and probably never even saw it), Jeff Jedras since he tagged Zac, and Ted, since Jeff says he began the whole thing (both of whom also never even saw what I wrote).

I'll go first. Yes, me - the "closet Tory". It's gauche to pat yourself on the back, but it's a gauche kind of man's man writing this up for you. I'm a low income bracket type of a lad (mind you, I have no kids so far, either) but last year I gave, through Mercy Corps, at the urging of Nicolas Kristof, $500 to Mukhtaran Mai, towards the schools and hospitals she's dreaming of in Pakistan, to help raise the living standards and equality of women in that country. Tag, you're it: What's been your contribution to the cause you champion?

I'm dying to be put in my place again by Cameron.

She's got no dead people behind her, granted - but still.

2006-09-30T18:29:00.000-07:00

Let me get this straight...

So far, not only is Martha Hall Findlay not running second to the frontrunner four, but - she's losing to ALL candidates. Dryden, Brison, even Volpe, and even Undeclared, are all beating her.

Okay, so she's never held a federal office and has some murky policy thoughts - I'm not saying she should win, I'm just saying that she's losing to Brison and Volpe and Undeclared.

In other related news, Rona Ambrose could be the first elected female PM, I'm starting to think. So far, she's a politician I can like. Maybe even a lot.

On the other hand, five GREAT things:

2006-09-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

1. Catwoman - meow.
2. Emma Peel - multi-colour mod or all-leather, she rocks.
3. She-Hulk - it's easy being green when you can lift a car.
4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer - the movie, not the TV show.
5. Dr. Beverly Crusher. Brannon Braga's distaste for her is what ruined the movies. She fucking rocked the Enterprise.
(I wouldn't say Wonder Woman - anyone whose Kryptonite is being tied up by a man is not a feminist.)

Five Things Feminism Has Done For Me, or, Gee Thanks, Joe

2006-09-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

Tag, I'm it - I have to write up Five Things Feminism Has Done For Me after being tagged by blogger extraordinaire Joe Calgary.

First off, I have to echo Joe in saying that the Harper government is *not* anti-woman, and it makes the Left look silly anytime someone claims that it is. It's like when gays suggest Harper has declared "war on gays" - it's just dumb.

That said, here goes, with five things feminism has done for me.

1. Failed me completely: The idea that women should not be evaluated based on looks is a failure - in fact, things have gotten far, far worse than when feminism became a popular American (ie. Western) idea: a) women are sexualized much earlier in life, and b) boys have the same self-image problems today that girls do (though many feminists would never admit such). Young men are now just as insecure and unhappy with themselves as young women. Too bad.
2. Devalued motherhood: I can think of few careers I'd like more than being a mother - I'm a very maternal person and I like to raise kids. What the hell is wrong with being a mom? Feminists regard it with scorn - rather than demanding that motherhood be recognized as a priority career to society, they have made stay-at-home moms feel empty and unfulfilled, when in fact I can't think of a better way to be fulfilled. A major, catastrophic miscalculation on their part, with poor consequences for women (See 3)
3. Made me sympathetically unhappy for my mom: See 2. Feminism was preached to America (ie. the West) by feminists who had no children and had no sentiment or value for or understanding of women who did, and treated those women with children with condescending pity - they were "missing out on life". We all have goals in life that usually co-incide with our talents - my dad never wanted to be anything other than a farmer, and my mom never wanted anything but to have a family. Feminism made sure she would feel she should have worked herself to death raising kids AND having a "real" career.
4. Disappointed me with its hypocrisy: Far, far, far too few "feminists" are willing to speak out against medieval-era anti-women attitudes found in some certain immigrants from non-Western cultures. It's wrong to say "Miss" or "Missus" if you're Anglospheric, but refusal to take orders from a woman gets a pass if you're from, say, Sri Lanka (which is not to suggest all Sri Lankans are anti-women). (Note: Happily, some feminists *are* happy to take on this idiocy)
5. Made me excited: My good friend and neighbour Judith is 9 years old and we hang out at least once a week. She turns over new ideas for her future all the time, more than I ever did when I was 9, and I'm really excited for what lies in store for her in the future.

I *am* a feminist, and won't take up the space/time to go into a long litany of why/how. But 1960s-onward feminism has been promoted by bourgoise intellectuals out of touch with real, ordinary women's lives.

Win-Win/Lose-Win

2006-09-22T16:48:00.000-07:00

I caught a fleeting whisper on a news show the other day that there are Democrats who hope like hell to lose the big election just around the corner, which made no sense to a non-thinker like me, until I found this concise and quick article in Slate on that very topic.

"Still, there are reasons why the Democrats might be better off denying Republicans the defeat they crave in November. For the Democrats to win the House this year would offer the unappealing prospect of responsibility without power. With a slim majority in the next Congress, Democrats wouldn't be able to accomplish anything significant. The party would still lack the votes to pass health-care reform or to repeal the Bush tax cuts. But with control of even one chamber by one vote, the failure to act on such issues would now be their fault as well. Iraq and the fiscal mess would no longer be just Bush's problems. The Democratic Party will have a much clearer story line heading into the 2008 election if it is simply the party out of power and can call for a complete change."

I guess I think that while I feel Bush is a well-meaning but not very wise or prudent leader, and can understand, I suppose, the inclination to leave his problems in his lap, you're in politics to serve the people, not your party, and all parties should try like hell to win on E-Day. (Including Jack "We know we can't form government, but give us a voice" Layton)

Al Gore: Payroll taxes for pollutant taxes

2006-09-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

Al Gore calls for a revenue-neutral tax swap, proposing a dismantling of all payroll taxes in the US in lieu of pollutant taxes, which I think is an idea well worth serious discussion and evaluation.

He also calls for a CO2 freeze, with reductions starting afterwards, which I don't imagine would go over too well...

Dirty Pool Loses

2006-09-14T19:26:00.000-07:00

Marilyn Churley's attacks on Bob Hunter were sick and desperate, and they were an abuse of the public trust - the attack was evil, and the voters should have turned on her for being such an ass.

The posse of privileged party operatives trying to run-down Cheri DiNovo were just as sick and motivated by malicious ambition. Wrong is wrong, and these guys were all wrong. Parkdale-High Park was a bit too smart for their kiddie games.

My personal volunteer time for Cheri DiNovo is dedicated to environmentalist Bob Hunter - who in a better world would have beat Churley's sick ass.

I normally work for the Election, this was a big change for me. Random things:

- there is an unusually high ratio of transsexuals in Parkdale, and I met a lot more of them today.
- the Liberal scrutineer at my poll and I got along really famously, we had a fantastic time together.
- our supervising DRO said there were very few Arabic voters because they were "planning the next terrorist attack"
- again, why even HAVE a by-election? Why not just keep Kennedy as a non-Minister MPP?
- I refused to clap for Hampton or Nash at the victory party, and left before DiNovo arrived. Would've cheered for her, though.
- everyone thought I was lying about my middle name, and I had no ID.
- not one of the Liberal staffers (8) I hung out with had ever heard of even the BIGGEST Liberal bloggers.
- one ballot was spoiled to say, "I would have voted Liberal but not after your shitty campaign".
- again, why Watson, when there are so many terrific alternatives for the Liberals?
- Gerard Kennedy, we miss you, big guy. Maybe you're next for Premier, who knows.
- what is "the Freedom Party"? People kept asking me - I don't know. :(
- you can take it from me on the scene - the negative campaign played a factor. Watson could have carried it, I believe.

Well, back to real life.

Hear, hear!

2006-09-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

By now you've likely heard the not-news-anymore that an aural repellant pitched so that "young people can hear it and old people cannot" is now being marketed as a cellular ringtone (teachers can't hear it). Can you hear it?

Bush is bad, but...

2006-09-11T05:15:00.000-07:00

After a brief cry this morning washing the dishes, I've turned off CBC 1 for the day. This September 11th is the most unhappy for since the first in 2001; my guess is that it's hard to realize it's been five years, and that, to me, so much is undone and so little is accomplished.

When Bush made his truly excellent speech to the House of Representatives, I thought: "That's right, fuckers. We'll get you, and we'll get you good."

Years later, the failure to catch Osama Bin Laden can still, on some days, drive me near to tears with frustration.

Osama Bin Laden is an evildoer - I'll agree with Bush on that much anyday. If he'd killed 10 000 people that day, or 20 000, it would matter to him not. And he was rich: If he wanted to wield a mighty weapon against the US government's foreign policy, he could have blown up the CIA, or the State Department. He had more than enough resources.

With the money and organization that Bin Laden had behind him, he could have been a bigger influence than King or Ghandi. He could have led a million man/woman/child march on the White House in protest. He could have taken assault rifles and hijacked the United Nations, and forced the General Assembly to listen to his pleas, and then ordered his men to lower their weapons and be arrested peacefully. The world would have said, "Wow, who is this guy who speaks with such conviction and eloquence and passion about freedom and liberty?"

But he didn't. He chose to kill innocent people and attack civilian property in a city that is NOT a seat of government.

If he had a valid point to make, he would have made it. His point isn't US foreign policy, it's killing Westerners.

Let's be clear here: Bush is bad, but Bin Laden is evil. And I think there's a (small) number of people who fail to realize that.

Cheri DiNovo vs. Sylvia Watson

2006-09-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

I dislike the current federal and Ontario NDP and would rather Cheri DiNovo was running as an independent, sure. But she's got my support and my volunteer time in her campaign against Sylvia Watson to represent High Park-Parkdale.

I don't feel that DiNovo's comments to a) youth about her past exploits as a drug smuggler or b) her belief that Christianity asks her to accept and love all, even repentant pedophiles and axe murderers, make her unfit to be our MPP (I believe in separation of Church and State and wish for all politicians to leave their personal faith at the door of the legislature).

Parkdale is a troubled neighbourhood. I'm guessing here, but I imagine that DiNovo critics Jason Cherniak, James Bowie and Nathan Hewitson don't know what it is like to have prostitutes sitting on your front steps and Johns parking right out your window, or what it is like to lay awake at 4 am because the notorious and infamous Kevin Clarke is yelling campaign slogans outside your bedroom. Parkdale is a neighbourhood filled with sex workers and drug addicts and mentally ill persons and poverty, and with occasional police who turn a *general* (not total) blind eye to all sorts of ill-doings. Parkdale needs someone who is willing to work with the lower classes - that person is DiNovo, not Watson.

It's a very tight race - no ane can predict who will win. There's a lot of pro-Liberal support, there's lots of pro-DiNovo support. There's a lot of anti-Watson sentiment. I have no predictions as to what that means.

Watson has failed to represent our interests in City Hall in my opinion, and I feel very strongly that DiNovo has done more for the neighbourhood, the ward, and the riding than Watson could do in 100 years. DiNovo understands the residents of Parkdale, troubled and untroubled, better than Watson, and gets Parkdale more than Watson.

Watson has sold us out on the waterfront and been exceedingly arrogant in her outright refusal to discuss the matter with constituents. There has to be better candidates for the Liberals to run - I can't grasp why they went with her.

I believe that as an unelected citizen, DiNovo has done more for Parkdale than Watson has in elected office.

I'm explaining why I'm voting (and volunteering) the way I am -- I'm not suggesting anyone vote the way I do.

DiNovo gets Parkdale, and she gets my vote.

***UPDATE: Anyone interested should check out this terrific run-down by Mr. James Bow, who is more eloquent in DiNovo's defence than I am able to be.

Crocodile Tears

2006-09-06T15:36:00.000-07:00

"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair." - Kahlil Gibran

Most of us are afraid of touching garter snakes and cockroaches, and I'm every single day amazed at how many people are unable to tell whether a strange dog is friendly or not. We don't remember how to tell the weather without a meteorologist telling it to us - reading the wind and clouds and colour of the sky is mostly a lost art. Lost in the barrens, few of us know any longer how to find our way by the stars. I know people who are afraid to touch cats, and people who won't sit on the grass lest a bug walk on them.

I'm an environmentally-minded voter, and I'm embarrassed most of the time by my own lack of understanding of the great big world around us. I don't have tv so I never got Steve Irwin's show, but I did catch it three times, and always loved it, and him. His exuberant love - his passion - for our planet always touched me, and even, deep inside, reminded me of my embarrassing lack of knowledge about something I care about. I loved that guy - I loved how well he knew his own reflexes, and how well he knew the animals around him.

Here's a short, 40 second clip of the Crocodile Hunter weeping over the death of a crocodile. This was a man who loved his planet and all the living things in it. He was a giant in his way, and I'm truly sorry to see him go.

What if they threw a war, and then they just went home?

2006-09-04T10:42:00.000-07:00

My dislike of the Republicans is outweighed only by my contempt for the Democrats*, and this new letter from Pelosi and Reid to Bush calling for the pull-out of Iraq sums it all up well.

Excerpted:

September 4, 2006

Dear Mr. President:

Over one month ago, we wrote to you about the war in Iraq. ... (W)e called upon you to change course and adopt a new strategy to give our troops and the Iraqi people the best chance for success.

#

In the five-week period since writing to you, over 60 U.S. soldiers and Marines have been killed, hundreds of U.S. troops have been wounded, many of them grievously, nearly 1,000 Iraqi civilians have died, and the cost to the American taxpayer has grown by another $8 billion dollars.

#

With daily attacks against American and Iraqi troops at close to their highest levels since the start of the war, and sectarian violence intensifying, we can only conclude that our troops are caught in the middle of a low-grade civil war that is getting worse.

#

We propose a new direction, which would include: (1) transitioning the U.S. mission in Iraq to counter-terrorism, training, logistics and force protection; (2) beginning the phased redeployment of U.S. forces from Iraq before the end of this year; (3) working with Iraqi leaders to disarm the militias and to develop a broad-based and sustainable political settlement, including amending the Constitution to achieve a fair sharing of power and resources; and (4) convening an international conference and contact group to support a political settlement in Iraq, to preserve Iraq's sovereignty, and to revitalize the stalled economic reconstruction and rebuilding effort. These proposals were outlined in our July 30th letter and are consistent with the "U.S. Policy in Iraq Act" you signed into law last year.

#

We also think there is one additional measure you can take immediately to demonstrate that you recognize the problems your policies have created in Iraq and elsewhere –consider changing the civilian leadership at the Defense Department... It is unacceptable to dismiss the concerns of military personnel and their families when they are affected by the consequences of these failures, as the Secretary of Defense recently did in Alaska by suggesting that volunteers should not complain about having their deployments extended. While a change in your Iraq policy will best advance our chances for success, we do not believe the current civilian leadership at the Department of Defense is suited to implement and oversee such a change in policy.

#

Thank you for your consideration of our views.

Harry Reid, Senate Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi, House Democratic Leader Dick Durbin (full signature in above link).

Once determined to repeat Colin Powell's Pottery Barn rule hourly, the Democrats now have decided that the US broke Iraq but can just duck out the back door without owning it.

I was against the Iraq War as much as anyone else out there was, but once you're in, you have to stay in. Rumsfeld's handling of the war has led perilously close to failure, and that means that an effective and intelligent alternative would draw up new and better plans - plans to win, and succeed, not advocate dropping out altogether.

"Re-deployment" resulting in full-out, no-question civil war in Iraq would ruin the US's image for years, and the memory would linger for decades.

I don't envy the US's position in Iraq - it's an awful, awful situation to be in. But re-deploying is not the answer. A new strategy to win and to prove success is. Part of that success is a new Secretary of Defense. At least they got that right.

They're damned lucky that people are so fed up with the Republicans - because this kind of strategy is not leadership.

*This not an endorsement of the Republican Party.

Thank you, Japan automakers, for succeeding where we keep failing

2006-08-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

Here is great news for the environment:

By 2010, Japan will aim to mass produce two-seater electric vehicles capable of running about 80 kilometers (50 miles) per charge, as well as 30 percent more fuel-efficient hybrid vehicles.

It's great that Japan is picking up so much of North America's slack on oil dependence and consumption. Will this mean sales availability of these same cars on this side of the Pacific, too?

Of course, it's not a magic bullet - the electricity to drive these vehicles has to be clean, too. This is still a step in the right direction.

Ahmadinejad vs. Bush

2006-08-30T05:54:00.000-07:00

From TIME magazine, original here
Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2006
Sneak Preview: Ahmadinejad vs. Bush
Prompted by the Iranian President's challenge, we imagine how the debate might play out
By TEDDY WAYNE

"I suggest holding a live TV debate with Mr. George W. Bush to talk about world affairs and the ways to solve those issues," [Iranian President Mahmoud] Ahmadinejad told reporters.
—Reuters, Aug. 29

TIM RUSSERT: President Bush, President Ahmadinejad, I want to thank both of you for coming to Washington University in St. Louis for this important debate on world affairs.

MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD: You are most welcome, journalistic swine.

GEORGE W. BUSH: I'd like to salute the people of St. Louis, who have rebounded from immense tragedy to embody the courage and will of the American people in their dreams of living in freedom.

RUSSERT: All due respect, sir, but I don't think St. Louis has had any immense tragedies recently.

BUSH: I am referring, of course, to the uninspired play this season of the Cardinals who, though hanging on to first place in the mediocre National League Central, seem doomed to fall to the upstart Mets come October. Mr. Ahmadinejad has repeatedly refused to engage in a serious debate over the mysterious pitching woes of former 20-game winner Mark Mulder, who now struggles with a plus-6.00 ERA despite his country's unparalleled atmosphere of opportunity and freedom.

AHMADINEJAD: As I have said before, the Cardinals, like all your bloated capitalistic teams, have too long relied on the formidable Albert Pujols to carry them offensively at the expense of cultivating young arms on its farm system, much like the formerly invincible U.S. has always depended on cheap labor from Third World countries and intellectual resources from Europe instead of developing a strong infrastructure.

RUSSERT: Gentlemen, I think we're getting away from the important issues here. Now, President Ahmadinejad, you mentioned the " formerly invincible U.S. " Do you really think -

BUSH: That movie demonstrated the resolve and freedom of the American people.

RUSSERT: Excuse me?

BUSH: "Invincible," starring Mark Wahlberg as a down-on-his-luck bartender who never even played college football yet makes the Eagles -- in Philadelphia, our country's symbol of liberty and freedom.

AHMADINEJAD: Like all Hollywood exports, the film was predictable and trite, burnishing the image of an American dream that is no longer achievable to anyone but those born into wealth. A wholly meretricious message.

BUSH: It was based on a true story, buddy. Fixing the facts around the policy of gripping entertainment is fair game.

RUSSERT: May I request the presidents stay on topics relevant to global affairs. Obviously, the recent arrests in London of 24 people allegedly attempting to explode several transatlantic planes has sent shock waves -

BUSH: Read my lips: Fergie's solo project, the smash single "London Bridge," will go down as the summer's freedom anthem of '06.

AHMADINEJAD: Without the backing support of the powerful Black Eyed Peas, Fergie, like the lapdog Tony Blair, warbles off-key to herself as the world ignores her abyss of talent.

RUSSERT: Okay, I heard "Tony Blair" in there. Let's talk about U.S.-British hegemony -

BUSH: You ever see "America's Got Talent" ? Condi doesn't let me stay up that late, but I watched it on mute and saw an act where this woman changed her outfit every five seconds. Now, that's talent. And freedom for American women to wear different outfits, unlike their oppressed Iranian sisters.

AHMADINEJAD: Merely a visual metaphor for the mercurial alliances the opportunistic U.S. makes when the winds of political change shift, as well as a comment on its superficial, image-obsessed culture.

BUSH: Hey, I don't see a show called "Iran's Got Talent."

RUSSERT: Please! I thought we were convening for a debate on serious, crucial -

BUSH: Oh, man, I bet that Suri Cruise never shows up in public.

AHMADINEJAD: This is one issue on which Mr. Bush and I agree. The daughter of Cruise and Holmes is as nonexistent as the purported state of Israel.

BUSH: What is Tom Cruise thinking? His approval ratings are in a nosedive, yet he refuses to admit he made any mistakes or correct his behavior. How are his handlers letting this happen? If I were advising him, I'd tell him to do a "Top Gun" sequel, pronto. Americans love jets and flight suits. Also freedom.

AHMADINEJAD: You could bring back Goose in flashbacks ...

BUSH: Absolutely. This time, of course, the faceless enemy would be Islamic fundamentalists who are jealous of our freedom.

AHMADINEJAD: I see things a bit differently there, two-faced infidel cur, but otherwise I would be interested in collaborating on a screenplay with you.

BUSH: Good, because I need help with spelling and commas and stuff like that.

RUSSERT: On that conciliatory note, I think it's time to end this debate. Thanks to viewers in America and Iran and worldwide for tuning in and for your patience, thanks to Washington University in St. Louis for hosting, and thanks to both leaders for taking time out of their schedules to discuss the latest in sports, film, music, TV, and celebrity gossip.

BUSH: You forgot to thank Poland.

To read more of Teddy Wayne's writing, go to teddywayne.com

Vatican: Stalin and Hitler demon-possessed

2006-08-28T13:41:00.000-07:00

The Chief Exorcist of the Vatican (didn't know they had one, didja?) claims that Stalin, Hitler, and the Nazis were all possessed by demons. It also reveals - news to me - that Pius XII actually attempted a "long-distance" exorcism of Hitler.

(I recall when John Paul II's Chief Exorcist warned to beware of wonky electricity in one's home, as it could be indicative of the presence of demons.)

Don't think I'm laughing - I don't disbelieve anything. But I generally tend to think that this is a real convenient excuse for the Church to explain evil actions. I lean towards assuming that Hitler and Stalin were both just assholes.

A Hare Beats a Tortoise

2006-08-28T06:47:00.000-07:00

Faced with David Chernushenko, a moderate, practical, realistic, creative and inventive guy more interested in solution-finding than in show, the Green Party has selected Elizabeth May as Leader.

As an activist, May is accomplished and deeply principled, putting values over advancement, much to her credit. As a politician, I think she's a bull in a china shop - she is bombastic and obnoxious, and seeks to belittle rather than coax alliance, or unite. If she really *needed* to bring up NAFTA, she might have instead asked Canadians to re-examine it with their hearts and not their pocketbooks, or simply talked about how she feels the agreement is environmentally detrimental, leaving out the drawing-a-line-in-the-sand act. Most Canadians are generally pleased with NAFTA, and while they could be evenutally coaxed into a furor over it by a clever politician, they're not going to turn out en masse to suddenly defeat it.

As an activist, she's probably been Excellent. At very least she's been Very Good. I just don't see her as a viable Leader, and I don't support Leaders who are not focused on winning. She's more interested in being a "voice", and misses that actually having an MP (or two) is the best way to have a voice. She is interested in having a pulpit, not in being elected. She has Jack Layton ("We realize we cannot win")'s Disease -- at least Ed Broadbent really went for the gold.

Granted, she might have the sway to get onto the televised debates - which would be great.

I like a multi-party system, I'm an environmentalist voter, and I want to have a viable Green Party option. If she turns out to work out well, I'll happily - happily - eat my words.

(If you haven't, check out ChuckerCanuck's post on Elizabeth May, in which he theorizes that she might win over David Orchard, and that a May-Orchard combination might prove MP-worthy. I can't disagree with that, it is a possibility.)

Greens elect May, impersonate the Rocky Horror Picture Show

2006-08-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

RIFF RAFF: Say good-bye to all of - this. And hello - to oblivion.

Green Selection

2006-08-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

I'm not a member or specific supporter of the Green Party, though the environment is a big concern to me, and major voting issue. I like to see viable options for a really competetive democracy, and I really hope the Greens will choose a strong leader who can bring in more voter support. I've yet to have a local riding candidate I'd vote for - although I happily would choose a solid Green over supporting Layton or Graham (the CPC just isn't an option in this riding). Go, best leadership candidate, go!

Honk If Pluto Is Still A Planet

2006-08-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

Honk honk.

HezboLiberal

2006-08-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

I really disagree with the silly politics of Libsforhezbollah.com and Hezboliberal.com.

I dislike dishonesty in politics, and these sites paint the entire party as anti-Semites, which is not accurate. I disliked the Conservatives being generalized as racist rednecks, I dislike this as much, and in the same way.

However, the "Buy HezboLiberal Gear!" with the Liberal red burqua is funny.

Resignation

2006-08-23T15:49:00.000-07:00

I'm of mixed feelings. As far as I can understand, the terror list is not the "name-calling" list, it's the "no-fundraising" list.

If Borys W. and Peggy N. don't understand that, then I don't feel they are really up to speed on Foreign Affairs/Relations, and BW probably should, on that basis alone, resign as Critic.

Apparently, he is on tape saying Hezbollah should be removed from the list - and so, my feeling is that his denials are dishonest. That also is call to resign.

If he said that, I do NOT begrudge him making an offhand comment about a thought still-in-progress. Rather than denying, however, he should have excused himself for speaking too fast. He handled himself poorly.

This is why I don't love having MPs as Cabinet and such.

Peggy Nash is my MP

2006-08-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

As far as I'm able to ascertain, the Terrorist List is not a 'Shame List', it's a 'No Fundraising Allowed List', and so the idea of taking Hezbollah off of it is, so far as my understanding of the list goes, really absurd. Borys and Peggy should be reprimanded for such a foolish idea.

If *ANY*thing, they should have suggested changing the name to the 'No Fundraising List' or 'Do Not Collect $200 List', but advising the removal of Hezbollah from it is inappropriate at this time.

Call him Bob

2006-08-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

My dad has three pick-up trucks, two rifles and a shotgun. He's got a big bone to pick with the NDP, but whenever Bob Rae's name comes up, he's always said, "But I tell you, he wasn't too bad at all, that guy just did what any sensible person in a government would do. It just goes to show you that all of this politics is just talk, it's just for show - none of these guys think any damn thing different from another guy, they just talk different to get votes and then when they're in power, they all do the same things as you or me or anyone with any sense would do."

I don't think it's "all talk just for show", and I think there are differences between most parties, but Bob Rae is no ideologue, and for that I'd be content if he were to end up the champion in the leadership race.

Bush is an ideologue - many of his Left detractors are no better. I like Rae as a practical man looking for solutions rather than an opportunity to advertise ideology (like Howard Hampton, or Jack Layton).

(The "Call him Bob" part refers not to Rae, but rather - me dear olde dad. Gotcha!)

On Notice

2006-08-15T17:09:00.000-07:00

Test of Leadership Time:

Stephen Harper, you've got exactly 24 hours from right now to do something and do something good about these two clowns Rotor and Tipple eating at a certain trough funded by my taxes, or else I'm going to have to get used to jaded cynicism. And who wants that?

I'm a fair man - I'm happy to give the PM time to act before I judge. I'm not going to blame him personally for the cock-up, but I'll of course blame him if he doesn't take some action.

This is not a victimless crime - this is a deliberate abuse of public money. And further, it's a sign of a too heavily-funded government with too much money to spare. Something has just clicked in my head and changed me, as of this evening. I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore. I used to begrudge but accept taxes in Canada - for some reason, I've snapped over this. It's just sunk in that they are swimming in more money than they know what to do with.

I'm emailing the PMO. 24 hours to act - starting.... NOW.

Who the fuck is Alexandre Trudeau?

2006-08-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

Apparently, he and Sacha are never in the same room at the same time. And here I thought there was suddenly a fourth son I'd somehow never heard of before....

Granted, growing up with a guy giving your baby brother piggyback rides can skew your view - if Garrett Poppe were hauled in and charged as an evil dictator, I'd be quick to jump in and say, "Geez, he was so nice to us as kids," but this is hero worship. I expected him to go into, "Castro's lean and toned muscles prowled beneath his tanned and tight skin like a tiger surveying his jungle, and as his manly gaze fixed on me, I knew that this night would be unlike any other before".

PS No one wants to read about the progeny of James Bond or Batman. Are Canadians really desperate enough to pay attention to Ben Mulroney and these kids? I'd really much rather have Mulroney, Sr. back, and that's the truth.

Still the same old Joe

2006-08-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

" “I haven’t changed. Events around me have changed.” - Joe Lieberman

Duh.

This "withdrawal" and "redeployment" talk is sometimes silly, and often insane. I was against the Iraq War, favouring focus on Bin Laden and Iran, but now that the war is on - it can't be walked away from.

The war is failing, and has been for a long time. The plan to win it has not changed. Lieberman's fatal error was to defend it, and not to support the effort but demand a change in direction. Had he called on Bush to find new blood, and called on Rumsfeld to resign, had he fought not to pretend the war was okay but rather to win the war, he'd have won - unchallenged. He failed in his duty as a Senator - when the events changed, he stayed the same.

Just my two cents.

Strange Bedfellows

2006-08-05T17:44:00.000-07:00

Many on the Left have taken an anti-Israeli stance in discussing the Middle East conflict. Here's a sampling of (negative) comments from one lone thread on Left news site Raw Story.

- why don't they just load the lebanese up in cattle cars for transportation to their demise. well, no, it would not be economically feasible.

- the israeli are the nazi killing machine of old and this war mongering group has zero sympathy from me althougth sometime in the distant past they did

- Israel should enjoy its last few remaining days of military superiority, because once Iran gets Nukes, they won't be so apt to kill civilians and wreak havoc on the infrastructure of their neighbors.

- mel speaks the truth !!!

- Israel MURDERS 900 Civilians
Israel = NAZI

- once Iran gets atomic all the killing of innocence will stop

- Israel is a terrorist state. US interests are now better served if Israel ceased to exist. Israel (and US support for it) is the problem.

- Typical Republichimp, he thinks it is okay for Israelis to kill civilians. And Hezbollah is NOT putting their launchers next to civilians. That's a lie from Israel.

What happened? Cheering on Iran's nuclear program? Calling Israelis "Nazis"? Or "terrorists"? What happened to the Left?

You'll find many pro-Israel comments as well - I'm not asking about the entire Left.

But how can so many who believe in, say, abortion, gay marriage, equality of women, and separation of church and state possibly be siding with fundamentalist radical Islamists? You want decriminiIization of marijuana, so you side with people who cane pot smokers outside mosques? I know politics can make for odd match-ups, but is going against Bush really *that* important to some?

I've wondered if Conservative governments in Israeli history have made many on the Left instinctively stand against them. I've wondered if possibly this is a hasty knee-jerk reaction to support the underdog - because as anyone can tell you, the Left loves an underdog (but then, doesn't everyone). But I don't know. Any ideas? Why are so many individuals on the Left so vehemently anti-Israel?

And now, I shower

2006-08-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

What the...!?

Stephen Lewis is married to Michele Landsberg? Is the father of Avi Lewis? Has not disowned said son for marrying Naomi Klein??

This family is toxic poison ivy on the thighs of the Left. Jesus, where is Ed Broadbent when you need a thinking and realistic Leftist?

I used to like Stephen talking on CBC. I feel like I fucked a cougar and then found out she was secretly J. Edgar Hoover.

The un-UN

2006-08-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

I actually wonder if it's possibly time - and man, it is *not* easy for me to say this - I think it might be time to possibly close down the UN. We should form a new UN, with membership restricted to democracies only. China can be invited and showered with welcomes when the issue involves a use for China - Iran and Cuba and North Korea and Libya et al can be communicated with. But no non-democracy should ever carry a vote, or especially a veto, on what democracies plan or need or want.

I know, I know - sometimes the US or Canada or anyone else want to pillage someone's copper mines or fruit fields. The UN doesn't deal in that.

I think it's great that we have a UN - but dammit, it just doesn't work to let these countries have an equal voice to ours on international affairs.

Monarchies with an elected head of government (with fair elections), that's okay, I guess.

Well - maybe we could keep the UN, but also set up a United Democracies. Like belonging to Mousketeers and the Roy Rogers Club at the same time. "The U.D." doesn't have the right ring to it, admittedly.

Chamberlain and Churchill, or, How About A Real President For A Change?

2006-07-29T19:34:00.000-07:00

I always thought the "Bush is Churchillian" comparisons were really overwrought and strained. If, in a hundred years, his way proves to be right, I will, scout's honour, be first to say, "Thank god he won that one for us," but he still won't be Churchill.

I'm getting nervous, though, that he's actually Chamberlain.

Chamberlain's been judged too harshly by history, I suspect - he was no sissy pantywaist afraid of Hitler. He was afraid of war, and having just lived through the Great War, had every justifiable reason to try and avoid another one.

Chamberlain's mistake was not cowardice - it was drastically misjudging his foe. He didn't realize that Hitler was an evil maniac.

Bush is no appeaser, and good on him for that. But I'm growing, daily, more anxious that he's drastically misjudged his foe.

Iraq was never Public Enemy Number One. Saddam Hussein was a cruel and sadistic killer who paid money for suicide bombers - if he died of a snakebite, it wouldn't be a loss. But Iran was always the bigger threat and the greater enemy, it was always the real menace. North Korea was already a nuclear concern.

Is the world better if Saddam Hussein is dead? People can argue that he was stopping a civil war from erupting, but I'd make a long story short and say that yes, the world is better off without him.

But it would be safer if we'd supported a democratic revolution in Iran, and assassinated Kim Il-Jong.

I'm wrong lots of the time and could be now. But I said then that Iran and North Korea were bigger worries, and they've sure turned out to be more than just headaches.

All is screwed up, but all is not lost. After Chamberlain came Churchill. After Bush, let's hope the US can give us a real President - one who can rally a real war effort to crush and destroy Hizbullah and Al-Quaeda and their state-backers. We need global leadership who can tell us all that it's time to sacrifice and chip in, to knit socks, to mail new razorblades, to write letters, to buy bonds, to sign up - that this war is our war, and that it's about our freedom.

We need Presidents and Prime Ministers who will tell us, "When you ride alone, you ride with Bin Laden," who can whip us into frenzies to fight on the beaches and in the streets and never ever give up. We need leadership to tell us who the enemy is and why we must defeat them and how we're going to win - I don't think Bush ever even really knew who the enemy was.

Who Killed The Electric Car?

2006-07-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen the trailer:

It's a bit like Tucker: THe Man And His Dream, in that while it's not a great film, it's a fascinating and intriguing tale to watch, full of imaginative engineers and inventors whose dreams of a better product are crushed by their masters in Detroit.

You don't need to be an environmentalist - Ayn Rand would be as up in arms after a screening as David Suzuki, what GM did here was an assault on the true nature of capitalism. This was a better product that would have changed the world - it's no stretch to say that the Middle East would look a lot different if the EV1 had been given a real chance.

Laura Ingraham vs. Juan Williams - In the end, there can be only one!

2006-07-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

This clip characterizes my frustration with the Left on the Israel vs. Hezbollah issue.

I'm a centrist non-partisan, and I listen to both the "right" and "left". I'm disappointed though, lately, in the left's inability to articulate a better, different strategy to pursue. "Immediate diplomatic action" is not a "plan". It's weak and shows an obvious lack of thinking. Diplomatic efforts have failed for years and years now. That in itself is not a reason to simply call them off, but there clearly would need to be a different and unique approach in order to successfully continue them - a fresh incentive, a new stick to wield, something.

Ingraham is being intellectually dishonest (ie. putting words in his mouth), and I'm not in support of her approach to Williams; she could have coaxed a real discussion from him. However, Williams loses, badly: his absolute inability to express any kind of thinking at all is ridiculous. He wants to involve the Arab nations - great, how?

I'm listening and I want to hear tactics to close the conflict without more killing - but I'm not interested in no-thought-involved plans.

Anyone got a better idea than what Williams could come up with?

He's being rather Pat, I'd say...

2006-07-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

I think that Pat Buchanan, of all people, just made me re-consider something.

I need a cigarette or something now.

And I don't even actually smoke...

"Accidental Tourists"

2006-07-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

I think this here is just an emotional issue for Garth Turner et al, prompted by the media focusing strictly on comments of criticism from Lebanese-Canadians, and not giving airtime or print space to the numerous comments of praise and gratitude. (Thanks to Springer for the link)

Turner's a very, very emotional man, and doesn't think with his head nearly enough, alas.

Instead of his unreasonable outburst of outrage directed at Lebanese-Canadians, he could have instead generated more publicity for the Canada-praising comments left mainly ignored by the media, who are trying their best to whip everyone into a frenzy. (It's working on Turner)

That's the real shame here.

It's Easy Being Green

2006-07-20T21:08:00.000-07:00

I'm delighted to see the environment as Priority Number 2 in Canadian public opinion. Follow me, brothers and sisters! You have only your smog-related health concerns and catastrophic climate change to lose!

Thanks to Springer for this link on guesses as to the government's promised-for-autumn enviro legislation.

Am I nuts, or... isn't the "liberal" side supposed to be greener? Thirteen years of concern over climate change under Liberal rule, and - nothing. Get this - I just found out that our last big sweeping enviro legislation came from the last Conservative government. Crazy re: expectations, but hey, whoever can get it done best is my pony to back. Probably.

Only their chains to lose

2006-07-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

Arab League criticizes Hezbollah for attacks. It's a good article.

I could be wrong, but I'm more hopeful this week than I have been in 6 long years. I think the Muslim Arab world is waking up to the fact that Iran is not their ally, and would like to conquer them. One day, the Arab States might even, maybe-perhaps, ally themselves with Israel against their common foe - Iran. I know, that sounds unlikely, but hey - politics and freedom make for strange bedfellows, and there's no uniter like a mutual threat.

And The Arab Majority may not stay silent

If his "majority" estimate is true, it's possible that the Arab Muslim world is realizing they're oppressed by a cabal of wealthy right-wing-fascist fundamentalist-religious dictators who could stand a good overthrowing.

Jason

What's with all the anti-semitism on the (radical) Left?

2006-07-19T18:17:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking about people who oppose the Israeli governments policies and actions here. I'm talking about anti-semites!

Ever visit Raw Story? It's a leftist news aggregator. Check out the comments in any story on Israel, and you will, I swear, be shocked at what you see.

I often read, "F*** Israel" (which is not really an impartial condemnation of the Israel government, in my book), and "F*** the Jews" and the like.

Last week there was a story on encouragment to kill gays during a Pride Parade in Jerusalem - and one response said, "As long as they're Jews, fine with me".

What happened?

If you want to speak out against government policy, that's fair enough. But when did so many activist Leftists start to confuse "Israel government" with "Jews"?

I've written to Raw Story and asked them why there can't be a moderator to remove any kind of anti-semitic comment so that their comments boards can improve, but have yet to hear back from them. That was two weeks ago.

I know free speech is great and all, but...

The 800 Watt House

2006-07-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

I saw this on Bourque.org yesterday - it's a beautiful home, one I'd sure like to move into, and it's touted as being quite environmental, although I'm not convinced.

Daylighting only works in single-dwelling homes with roofs. Densely packed cities (ie. with high-rises) are the greenest way to shelter people - if everyone lived in homes like this, urban sprawl would be immense.

Enviros generally seem to be against big cities, but they are the best thing for the environment - we take up less space for more people. Bicycling and public transit work best in smaller areas: mass public transit's problem in Toronto is that too few people are spread out over too big an area, so you have to choose to run many buses with few people on them (costly), or infrequent buses packed with people (inconvenient and therefore unattracting to citizens).

Dense cities are the way to go - while this is a great house, it's not the way to go. And a gas-powered laundry is sort of cheating, I think.

No Nukes Is Bad Nukes

2006-07-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

I'm an environmentalist who likes the Green Party but has yet to really support it.

After years of consideration, I've decided that global warming is man-made, and that we can alleviate it. I'm starting to think nuclear is the way to go. My left-y and enviro friends scorn the idea, but what's worse: underground garages with small amounts of radioactive waste, or millions of tonnes of toxins randomly dispersed into the air?

Enviros respond with, "We're leaving that nuclear waste for our grandchildren, I hope you know." Yeah, well, so are we leaving the air pollution for them, too - your point is....?

I refuse to use a/c, my refrigerator/freezer is on the warmest setting, I got the magic lightbulbs years ago, I bike - the truth is, mass society is never going to give up too-cold a/c or too-warm heating, they're not about to install solar panels, and wind is great but not enough. Non-renewable is a problem, granted, but I'm pro-nuclear anyway. Maybe before the uranium and maybe thorium run out, we can come up with a better solution, but for now, I'm right behind Dalton McGuinty's nuclear plan, and I think more Kyoto acolytes should be, too. Canada has wonderfully safe nuclear capabilities, and if France can get 77% of their power from nuclear, well we should be getting 80%, just to get them back for DeGaulle.

The Green Party should consider a heavily pro-nuclear platform.

Jackie Gleason Bets The Mortgage On Harper

2006-07-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

I don't have any poll numbers or riding breakdowns, but my simple guy-on-the-street take is that the Liberals aren't going to win for a while.

My secret knowledge comes from my having previously watched "The Hustler", with Paul Newman and Jackie Gleason - in particular the scene where Fats beats Eddie badly at dawn, and tells Eddie that he's a loser because he talks and dresses and acts like a loser - so he'll always lose.

For years, anytime you'd talk politics, Conservatives would get all blustery and shrill and tell you what a commie you were, and cry out that no one understood them. Everything was just spin, the media was against them, boo hoo. And they just kept losing. Liberals would say, "Well, you know, that's interesting - but here's something you may not have considered."

Liberals were inclusive and avuncular, Conservatives were total jerks (speaking generally).

But now....it's the Conservatives who are kindly and avuncular and want to include you, and it's the Liberals who are shrill and angry and will tell you what a fascist you must be, that no one understands them. It's all just spin, and the media is against them. Boo hoo.

I'm all for getting rid of parties completely, but we seem stuck with them for the time being. And for the time being, the Liberals are Eddie Nelson and the Conservatives are Fats Minnesota.